What I've been up to as of late...

I shared some personal thoughts on our family blog tonight.

For the rest of the update on current life events, I have been house sitting for my sister and her husband for the last couple weeks while they are out of the country enjoying a fantastic vacation and a wedding.  I brought my daughter with me, of course, and we are taking care of their 2 dogs and 2 cats.  It's been a WONDERFUL break from the heat that was already encompassing life in Phoenix.  I look at the forecast and compare Phoenix to Newport, Oregon frequently and smile as I set the heater here to 68 degrees.

The 2 dogs are beautiful black Russian terriers.  They require a lot of activity to keep them and me sane, and it has been a lot of fun to get out and go on hikes with them.  I throw Lola into her carrier on my back, and I am sure it's an interesting sight to see me hauling a baby and hanging onto the leashes attached to 2 big dogs.  I love when I can let them off leash...they wear each other out.  I really enjoy hiking along the coast on sunny days and in the wilderness on cloudy days.

In a couple weeks I will be back in Salt Lake City.  I really miss Utah.  It became my home.  After a visit there, I will head back to Phoenix and find a part-time job.  I am and am not looking forward to this. :)  I am looking forward to getting in a position to find an apartment or home to rent and to have our family together in our own little space.

Patrick is living in Salt Lake City right now, working diligently on getting some projects finished up in his shop and getting packed up to move his business to Phoenix.  It has taken longer than we expected, and it has been really hard to be apart for so long.  Long distance marriage is tough.  I miss our daily routine and sleeping so contently next to him.  We pray continually that things will go well for him and he will be able to join us as soon as possible.

I have been busy being a mom to the most amazing little girl in my world.  I can't believe she is 21 months old.  I see her legs getting longer and more lean, as well as her arms, and I just get a little sad that my baby is growing into a little child.  I love this stage we are in, though it exhausts me.  She is so alert and smart and has such a fun personality.  She's getting into her independent stage where anything I hand her is no good...she's got to get it for herself.  I make sure to breathe deeply and allow messes to happen for the sake of memories and her learning process being fulfilled.  Sometimes I want to just bite her cheeks, she's so cute!

I've also been crocheting a bit and keeping my creative juices flowing.  It's a nice outlet.  I made the beanie she's wearing in that last picture.  Not too shabby for my first beanie with flowers!

Anyway, life is stressful for sure.  But it is always so deliciously good.

Use Your Words

Have you heard a mom say that to their little kid when they are whining or otherwise ineffectively communicating? I've heard a LOT of mom's say that. And I anticipate saying that to my kids as well.

I feel like saying that to myself and to my husband lately.

Why is it that when something is going wrong in a relationship, it is far easier to give the silent treatment rather than to communicate the issue and resolve it quickly?

Grunts and two word answers do not count as communicating.

And remaining silent instead of expressing myself does not count either.

I feel like if I were to use my words, it wouldn't be pretty. Perhaps that is how he also feels.

It has been a quiet day. Very quiet.

I just don't know what to do with myself...

You know that song with that line in the lyrics? I don't remember what the rest of the song was about, but that line is popping into my head.

Sometimes I can't get too specifically personal on my blog, which drives me nuts. There are things I would like to say and put into words to help me process my thoughts, but I'm afraid of people reading it and jumping straight to their own assumptions.

Hell, who cares.

My marriage is still pretty rough. I'm at the point where I honestly don't know if this is going to work, or if I think it is even supposed to work. I'm tired of having conversations about what needs to happen, followed by very little (if any) action. I'm tired of being the belittled and berated scapegoat. I'm tired of being judged by someone who is not innocent. I'm tired of not feeling like I'm as amazing as I really am.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

New Favorite Song

"You Don't Know Me" by Ben Folds featuring Regina Spektor is my new favorite song. It combines two artists that I love into one really great song. (push play!)



I love the lyrics:

I wanna ask you -
Do you ever sit and wonder,
It's so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
What goes on in the other one's head?

Things I've felt but I've never said
You said things that I never said
So I'll say something that I should have said long ago:

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

You could have just propped me up on the table like a mannequin
Or a cardboard stand-up and paint me (paint me)
Any face that you wanted me
To be seen.
We're
Damned by the existential moment where
We saw the couple in the coma and
It was we were the cliché,
But we carried on anyway.

So, sure, I could just close my eyes.
Yeah, sure, trace and memorize,
But can you go back once you know

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me

If I'm the person that you think I am (Ah ah ahh)
Clueless chump you seem to think I am (Ah ah ahhh)
So easily led astray,
An errant dog who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash, then
Why the f*%& would you want me back?!

Maybe it's because

(You don't know me at all)

Ahhh ah
Ahhh ah

(You don't know me,
you don't know me.)

Ahhh ah
Ahhh ah

So, what I'm trying to say is
What (What?)
I'm trying to tell you
It's not gonna come out like I wanna say it cause I know you'll only change it.
(Say it.)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

What?

(Mmmm, ohh oh
Ah ah ah ah ah
Aha ah ah ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Aha ah
Ah ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Oh-oh-oh-oh oh ohh)


Now, I know the song is kind of depressing, but seriously, anyone who has been in a serious relationship for a chunk of time knows that you do get to a point where you're just wondering what the hell is going on anymore. It's not the end of the world...it's just a point where you have to get your own worlds back on course to where they collide into each other again.

I can really relate to this song right now. I see both myself and my hubby in the lyrics. The frustration, the wondering, and the desire to stick it out and get to know each other all over again. Yesterday was our 8 month anniversary, and even in that short amount of time, I know there's room to grow closer...to be better individuals...to be a better couple. In my humble opinion and in my limited experience, the key to having a successful relationship is selflessness. If there is any selfishness, a wedge is put in place, and you end up feeling alienated and/or hopeless. The kicker here (as I'm processing what I'm typing...) is that I am and have been really selfish. Ugh. I love and hate realizations about myself.

Now, I have no idea if Patrick feels this way too, or if it's just me. I do know this is a LOT of self-disclosure for a blog. This is my "journal," though, so it is what it is.

shopping, weight, and drivers licenses

Patrick and I went shopping a couple days ago. He got some new jeans and shoes, and I got 2 pairs of shoes, these capris, a work shirt, and a sexy skirt. Patrick says my wardrobe is pathetic, so I had him "help" me pick out some things. I don't know if I really like these capris a whole lot, but he said they looked good. I typically don't wear pants, shorts, etc. with the waist at my actual waistline. I feel like a granny. These have that high waistline. Patrick says I'm weird and that the high waistline looks good. Does he realize I have a belly?!?! Oh, boys. I'm sure I'm just being my normal self-conscious self.

I finally got my new Drivers License today. We got married in December, and just now (7 months later) got my license renewed. I probably would have put it off even longer if it hadn't expired on July 14th. :)

I took a good dose of extra time getting ready, because I wanted to look really nice in my picture. When it came down to picture time, I didn't really smile for some reason. When the picture popped up on the screen, I said, "Oh! I have such a chubby face!" (sad tone of voice) The guy taking the picture said, "What??" And I repeated myself. How sad to have a chubby, non-smiling picture on a license I'll be carrying around for awhile. (can you tell I'm having a fat day??)

So, I decided that when I hit my target weight, I'll go in and get a new license...with a new weight...and a new cute picture. And I'll also be able to fit into a super hot vintage leather jacket Patrick picked out for me at D.I.

Check out the cool details! There are two front pockets on both sides.
There is a 1973 penny in one pocket, and the missing button in another pocket.
Too fun.

Anyway, that's the fun we've been up to lately. I'm posting pictures of Patrick's hot rod on our family blog, Family Life if you want to read about that.

Mr. and Mrs. Largin......Shotgun Style :)

Here is my lovely fairy tale...



Once upon a time there lived a lovely couple, Patrick and Alison. They had been engaged for just over 5 months and wedding plans were a topic of frequent discussion. Several ideas were considered, but alas, to their frustration, none were panning out.

A couple days before their planned trip to Phoenix for Christmas, the two lovebirds decided to wed during the trip. First they thought of Mesquite, NV. Alison called the casinos there to see what wedding options there were... The wedding planner at one chain of casinos would be out of town until after the first of the year. The wedding planner at another was helpful, but they didn't have the low-scale options that the couple were looking for. She gave Alison a phone number to call a guy who could marry them at his home. This wasn't an ideal option either. Next, Patrick called places in Laughlin, NV and found similar disappointing results.

That evening after work, Alison was at a coworker's birthday celebration. Several people had heard that the couple was planning to wed the next day, and Alison shared the disappointments in trying to plan a small ceremony. Just then, Carl, another coworker, piped in that he was an ordained minister and would love to perform the ceremony for them! Alison called Patrick and they immediately started planning.

The next evening, Saturday, December 22nd, Patrick and Alison and a small group of close friends went to the Thaifoon restaurant in Salt Lake City and were married by Carl. It was a beautiful and simple ceremony, and a first for the restaurant! :) Here are some pictures of the ceremony:


Alison and Patrick waiting for the elevator at The Gateway.


Patrick, Carl, and Alison at the very beginning of the ceremony.



Just married!!! Our first kiss as husband and wife. :)


Just before our celebratory toast. :) What a cute couple!


Our wedding cake. Shay and Tia got them for us...with such short notice they had to split "Congratulations Alison + Patrick" onto two cakes. :)


We couldn't be happier to finally be married! We're excited about going into 2008 united in marriage and living a life full of blessings and love. Thanks to everyone, especially Carl, who helped us pull this together. We are blessed with so many wonderful people in our lives.

The End

***UPDATE 1/9/08***
I didn't realize that "Shotgun Wedding" implies that the bride is pregnant. :) No, I am not pregnant. It was a quick elope-style wedding rather than a Shotgun wedding. Hopefully babies are in the near future, though!!!

It's Official!!!

Patrick and I are MARRIED!!! I'll post more pictures and the story later...just wanted to get this cute picture on here. :)