Today my mom, aunt, and my aunt's grandson came up to Salt Lake City to eat lunch at the restaurant where I work. Previously this weekend, my mom mentioned that she would like to see the new place. I planned on cleaning up yesterday, but ended up not doing much in the way of tidying the house. This morning she called, and I invited everyone to come in when they arrived.
Well, did you get a chance to clean the house?
Not really, but we're all family. I've seen you all at your worst, so it's not a big deal.
Do you really want us to come in if it's not clean?
It's not that messy. No one will get cooties coming in here. What's the big deal?
Now I would LOVE to say that I couldn't care less what my house looks like, and I treat all people the same. However, that is simply not true. Typically I would spend some time sprucing up the place, even if just straightening cushions, vacuuming the floor, and lighting a candle. When it comes to family, though, I just don't feel like I have to put on a show. At least I shouldn't feel pressured to put on a show. I am who I am. And in light of recent life circumstances, I've cut way back on my obsessive compulsive cleaning habits. While this may be uncomfortable for some people who have their expectations about how I should behave (especially the husband), I'm not a freaking nanny.
When it comes to my house, what you see is what you get. This is my face.
This reminded me of a recent conversation I had, as well as my experience with a handful of people I know. When someone is taking your picture, do you prefer to have a certain side of your body or face photographed? A certain angle? A certain pose?
Why are we so preoccupied with putting on our best face for everyone?...protecting that which makes us feel vulnerable, below-average, and inadequate?
Do we all have a million different personalities and faces? That change with every circumstance or situation in which we find ourselves?
Is it possible to have one face and to feel completely secure about who you are?
I would like to get there.