Sunday, June 28, 2009

Use Your Words

Have you heard a mom say that to their little kid when they are whining or otherwise ineffectively communicating? I've heard a LOT of mom's say that. And I anticipate saying that to my kids as well.

I feel like saying that to myself and to my husband lately.

Why is it that when something is going wrong in a relationship, it is far easier to give the silent treatment rather than to communicate the issue and resolve it quickly?

Grunts and two word answers do not count as communicating.

And remaining silent instead of expressing myself does not count either.

I feel like if I were to use my words, it wouldn't be pretty. Perhaps that is how he also feels.

It has been a quiet day. Very quiet.

Today's Daily Zen

Like the empty sky it has no boundaries,
Yet it is right in this place,
Ever profound and clear.
When you seek to know it,
You cannot see it.
You cannot take hold of it,
But you cannot lose it.
In not being able to get it, you get it.
When you are silent, it speaks;
When you speak, it is silent.
The great gate is wide
Open to bestow alms,
And no crowd is blocking the way.

- Cheng-tao Ke

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

TV, Tears, Books, and Dreams

I love the emotional chaos I experience revolving around my period. I actually got teary watching a girl win some prizes on The Price is Right this morning. What the...?!?!

I stayed up until 3:30 am doing nothing last night, then woke up before 8 am with horrific cramps. Thank goodness I had some Midol and a rice-filled hot pad that a friend gave me years ago. It heats up beautifully in the microwave. So take all that pain and discomfort, throw in some emotion, and voila - tears at The Price is Right. :) Silly.

There was an item to price for one of the games on The Price is Right that totally inspired a crafty idea for me. I got a couple wooden frames at DI the other day, and the frame on The Price is Right had a really cool design either painted or wood-burned into it. I'm totally going to get a wood burner and do this to one of, or both, of the frames I got!

I finished The Zahir by Paulo Coelho this morning while treating my abdomen with the hot pad. I really started reading this book in December then forgot to keep reading it for several months. I'm a pretty fast reader if I can stay focused long enough to actually read a book. Anyway, I really enjoyed the book. It took me awhile to get into it, but that's because I wasn't ready for it. In December, I was ready.

I am a huge fan of Paulo Coelho. I swear when I read his books, it is just the time in my life that I am touched very specifically by the book. This happened with The Alchemist and Eleven Minutes. I think I've read The Pilgrimage, but I can't remember! It seems like I had a pleasant dream about the story, and it has fueled my own passion to have a personal pilgrimage. I would be ecstatic to actually go walk/hike the road to Santiago by myself. Yep, by myself. I mentioned it to Patrick once, and he would flip out if I were gone, in a foriegn country, on foot, by myself, for a month. I suppose I understand, but that doesn't remove the yearning from my soul. I'm pretty sure I've read By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, too, but like The Pilgrimage, it's foggy in my memory. I'll read both of these again.

So, if you haven't read anything by Paulo Coelho, go get The Alchemist. It's a place to start.

Poor Poodles!

I'm watching a re-broadcast of the news, and this story brought tears to my eyes:

I can't believe the guy's family didn't call animal control sooner...they knew there were way too many dogs there. So sad. I'm glad the poodles are all cleaned up and will go to good homes.

(I freaking hate animal abuse.)

Monday, June 15, 2009

My kind of day!

I had a fun dirty day today.

After work, I stopped at Western Gardens and bought a bunch of herbs and some flowers. I cleaned up a rusted planter we got at an estate sale last year, painted it with a rust-killing primer, then spray painted it gold. I spent several hours moving the herbs into the little pots that sit all around the planter. (I'll take pictures in the day light.) Then I went to Ace Hardware and got a couple more pots and a habanero pepper plant for Patrick. That'll be fun when that one grows up and starts producing peppers equivalent to hell-fire-and-damnation. :)

So, we now have:

yellow pear tomatoes
yellow summer squash
thai basil
cinnamon basil
and another flower plant that I can't remember its name...

I still want to get more plants, but I've decided this is a great start for this year. It will definitely keep me busy watering every day! I guess that's the only down side to having all of the plants in pots. The only one in the ground is the summer squash.

Getting my hands dirty and being outside always makes for a good day. :)

Then I made lentil soup with garlic, onions, jalapeno, bacon, and some spices. It was goooood. The only thing missing was my mom's home made rolls.

Tomorrow I'll be making home made bread. It's been a very long time since I last made bread, so hopefully it goes well. I can't wait to pull fresh bread out of the oven, cut a thick slice, and drench it in butter. That's a piece of heaven right there!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The Power of Intention

The Secrets of the Power of Intention: Live Lecture (6-CD Set) The Secrets of the Power of Intention: Live Lecture by Wayne W. Dyer

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
This lecture has been such a positive influence on my life. I lent it to my sister, and I miss having it in my car to keep me focused on what is most important. I HIGHLY recommend this lecture to anyone and everyone.

View all my reviews.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

On a Positive Note...

I need to have more positive notes.

Have you heard of Dr. Wayne Dyer? I first heard of him around 4-5 years ago (really? that long ago??) when I worked at Outback Therapeutic Expeditions. I got my hands on his CD lecture, The Power of Intention. I listened to the 6 CD's over and over and over. At the time, I had a 30 minute commute each way to work, so it was a great time to listen and ponder what I was hearing. Whenever I was listening to that collection, my life felt so much more focused. I felt at peace. I felt hope. These are totally different feeling words than I used in my last post. :)

Yesterday I was doing some cleaning and Dr. Wayne Dyer was on PBS promoting his newest lecture and books. This one is called Excuses Begone! The book was published this May, so the PBS special was excerpts from a lecture he gave, and they were raising money for PBS by selling his books and CD's. It was a great program. The little bit that I heard was TOTALLY what I needed to hear. He talked about the 18 most commonly used excuses that all of us use way too frequently when we settle for less.

  • I Can't Afford It
  • It's Going to be Risky
  • It Will Take a Long Time
  • I'm too Busy
  • It Will be Difficult
  • There Will be Family Drama
  • I Don't Deserve It
  • It's Not My Nature
  • No One Will Help Me
  • It Has Never Happened Before
  • I'm Not Strong Enough
  • I'm Not Smart Enough
  • I'm Too Old (or Not Old Enough)
  • The Rules Won't Let Me
  • It's Too Big
  • I Don't Have the Energy
  • It's My Personal Family History
  • I'm Too Scared
I really want to get the book and CD collection and really take the time to quit using these excuses in my life (including my current frustrating situation).

I believe that our thoughts dictate the direction and the quality of our experience in this world. I just need to put that belief into practice, so it becomes concrete knowledge. A great place for me to start is with how I think about myself and about Patrick, though I really do feel that focusing on myself is the true starting point.

Oh, I have so much work to do...

P.S. Daily Inspiration from Dr. Wayne Dyer!

P. P. S. Sorry no pictures. I need to start loving my camera again. I know I actually take time to look at and read posts when there's at least one picture. I'm such a hypocrite! ;)

I just don't know what to do with myself...

You know that song with that line in the lyrics? I don't remember what the rest of the song was about, but that line is popping into my head.

Sometimes I can't get too specifically personal on my blog, which drives me nuts. There are things I would like to say and put into words to help me process my thoughts, but I'm afraid of people reading it and jumping straight to their own assumptions.

Hell, who cares.

My marriage is still pretty rough. I'm at the point where I honestly don't know if this is going to work, or if I think it is even supposed to work. I'm tired of having conversations about what needs to happen, followed by very little (if any) action. I'm tired of being the belittled and berated scapegoat. I'm tired of being judged by someone who is not innocent. I'm tired of not feeling like I'm as amazing as I really am.

What the hell am I supposed to do?