Bullet-point

When I put together a post on my blog, I typically have something specific to post. Tonight, I have far too many thoughts swimming around in my head, so I'll go ahead with a bullet-point of these thoughts.

1. I really love the music on Grey's Anatomy. I picked a couple of artists from the last episode and made a new Pandora station that is FABULOUS. And SUPER AWESOME. The main artist is The Xx.
2. I finally got a library card! I've lived in Utah for almost 8 years, and I have been without a library card the whole time. How sad is that?! So, I have the giddy "free-shopping" feeling of going to the library, browsing through books, CDs, and movies. I love it.
3. For Christmas, Patrick made me a Christmas Tree. It was a really busy holiday season, and money was tight, so I broke down in tears one day over not having a tree. I came home from work to a work of art on our wall. It was made of cut out wrapping paper with a string of lights pinned up and ornaments hanging off of the string of lights. Our star tree-topper was at the top. The rest of our Christmas decorations were all out on display as well. What a thoughtful gesture that was. I have a sweet husband.
4. I have an amazing job offer. I interview next week, and will hopefully find out shortly thereafter that I definitely have it. I'd say the job is 90% mine...the benefit of knowing the future boss. I am so very excited!
5. Patrick and I visited my family in January. The weather was amazing, and it was a really good time. Probably one of the best visits in the last few years!
6. My parents, sis, and sis's boyfriend came to visit earlier this month. That was also a nice visit. We girls went with Patrick's mom to Time Out For Women. It was an amazing two days. The first night, Jenny Oaks Baker played several songs on her violin. I cried when she played the Suite from Far and Away. Wow, it was amazing. It made me want to pick up my violin and start playing again. I miss my violin.
7. I got a calling in December to be the Relief Society Music Director. I've thoroughly enjoyed selecting hymns that go with the topic being taught in Relief Society each week. It's so amazing how music can really bring the spirit into a room!
8. Last week I got another calling to be a Visiting Teaching District Leader. I'm hoping it helps hold me accountable to do my own visiting teaching. :)
9. Patrick got a promotion at his job. Better pay, better hours, and a more enjoyable position. We're both excited about all of the betters.
10. I am chomping on the bit to start a family. Patrick is thrilled, too. We just need to get a few ducks in a row, and it'll be baby-time. I'm less scared/excited and more anxious/excited, which I think is a good thing.
11. I think I am a pretty nice person. Not a pushover-nice, but genuine-nice. I've had a couple experiences in the last couple months where I have been told otherwise. Both occasions were from people who are unhappy with themselves, and I truly believe that I was not being a rude, insensitive jerk. The lesson learned: I am capable of being happy and kind regardless of how I am treated. It's a choice. MY choice. And I will always choose happiness and kindness first. It'll be perceived however it's perceived...

Okay, my brain is now empty and Patrick just got home from work. Snuggle time. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I just wanted to quickly express my thanks for the many blessings I have been given.

I am so blessed to have a great husband who loves me and supports me. I think I appreciate this blessing so much more than I otherwise would, because once upon a time I had a husband who did not support me, and I question whether or not he truly loved me. So, Patrick, thank you so much for being such a loving, patient, and forgiving husband. :) You are truly amazing.

I am very grateful for my wonderful family. I love my parents and my siblings, their spouses, and my beautiful nephews and nieces. All of my in-laws, too! I missed sharing this holiday with my family (especially mom's baking...Rolls to Die For), though I am also very blessed to have great friends who invited Patrick and me to their home for the feast. The rolls weren't my mom's, but they were still tasty. The turkey dressed in bacon and then baked was soooooo good!!

Which leads me to my friends. Great friends are one of life's most precious treasures. And I have a sack full of treasures!

I am grateful that I chose to take part in being an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay back in May of 2006. I cannot explain what a blessing this has been in my life. I have met so many people and found amazing mentors who have influenced my life for the good. The extra income is great, but I have to be honest - the life changes have been priceless. I anxiously anticipate the good things to come in my life through this great opportunity!

I am eternally thankful for my testimony of God's love for me. Boy have I been a screwed up person, and thank goodness Jesus Christ has made it possible for me to move beyond the screwed up version of me. :) I find so much peace knowing that all things are possible when God is involved, including becoming a better person. Just like with family...I cannot thoroughly put into words how blessed I am because of this knowledge. :)

I am grateful for the beautiful home we live in, our 3 kitties who make me so happy, and the food on our table. I live a good life. And it is all due to God's hand. Thank you!

Now I am going to go eat some more pie. (I'll post recipes for the Rolls to Die For and Pumpkin Cheesecake Pie soon! They are divine!!)

the voice of life, the voice of Being, of perpetual Becoming

I'm almost done with Women Who Love Too Much, and I think I will immediately read it again. This book has been amazing for me. Amazing enough to help me smile this morning when I was told how to do laundry...a smile, chuckle, and then, "you know, you can do your own damn laundry." Mmm...it felt good.

I'm also almost done with Siddhartha. I can see why this book is a favorite for some of my favorite authors. I can see how it has influenced their works, or at least aligned with their thought processes anyway.

"Often they sat together in the evening on the tree trunk by the river. They both listened silently to the water, which to them was not just water, but the voice of life, the voice of Being, of perpetual Becoming. And it sometimes happened that while listening to the river, they both thought the same thoughts, perhaps of a conversation of the previous day, or about on of the travelers whose fate and circumstances occupied their minds, or death, or their childhood; and when the river told them something good at the same moment, they looked at each other, both thinking the same thought, both happy at the same answer to the same question."

Herman Hesse, Siddartha p. 108

When I am able to have this quality of relationship with a person, I feel ridiculously blessed. I met a handful of people like this at Outback, getting to know them intimately while spending a week at a time in the wilderness. Oh, how I miss that job.

I dated a guy like that, too. I miss the nights we would sit outside, stare at the stars in silence and just be on the same page.

I want that.

The brief moments where the stars align and being is experienced lately have been wonderful. Very wonderful.

I'm excited about this stage of my journey. Good things are happening.

Marriage & Divorce

Just when I needed to hear it:



Something unique about me - when I need to hear or read something, it appears. This need isn't a temporal need; it is not a religious need; it is a spiritual need. And it comes in various forms: a smile, an old book, a phone call, a picture, an email, a video, etc.

Anyway, this video is just what I needed to hear right now.

I think I know what I am going to do with this relationship, but doubt still fills my mind. I want to make the right decisions. I suppose I should go consult the man upstairs. :)


A side note: My friend, Brinn, lent me her copy of Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. Talk about a mind-blowing book. I am a woman who loves too much, and I'm excited to finish this book and learn how to stop this negative and unhealthy pattern in my life. I HIGHLY recommend this book to every single woman out there. You will learn something that you can apply to yourself or that will help you be a supportive friend for your friends who are stuck in codependent relationships. What a great book.



I turn 30 tomorrow, and I am very excited about the possibilities of the future. I'm grateful that I am able to continue learning and growing and becoming the woman God intends me to be!

I just don't know what to do with myself...

You know that song with that line in the lyrics? I don't remember what the rest of the song was about, but that line is popping into my head.

Sometimes I can't get too specifically personal on my blog, which drives me nuts. There are things I would like to say and put into words to help me process my thoughts, but I'm afraid of people reading it and jumping straight to their own assumptions.

Hell, who cares.

My marriage is still pretty rough. I'm at the point where I honestly don't know if this is going to work, or if I think it is even supposed to work. I'm tired of having conversations about what needs to happen, followed by very little (if any) action. I'm tired of being the belittled and berated scapegoat. I'm tired of being judged by someone who is not innocent. I'm tired of not feeling like I'm as amazing as I really am.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Blog-Name Dropping and My Great Weekend

Rather than finishing my breakfast or getting in the shower, I decided to post this morning. :) Lucky you!

First of all, I have found a couple of blogs that put a smile on my face. There is the sailor-element to both of these, so for the tender eyes, just don't go there. For those of you who are as crusty and crass as I can be, check them out!!

Pacing the Panic Room (You may have seen the weekly pregnancy pictures the author takes of his wife...they're awesome photos and it's a great idea! Also, the author is an awesome photographer, so check out his work and send him good vibes for some job prospects!!!)

Scary Mommy (I've only read a couple of the posts, but dang, she's funny!)

And, lastly (since I really need a shower...), I had a great weekend. We had our area Career Conference with Mary Kay on Friday and Saturday. I've always enjoyed Career Conference...lots of great training and motivation. I especially love hearing from other women who came from much more difficult circumstances than I and have just conquered the world. Those women amaze and inspire me!

I'm also super excited about the company's Great Start program where new Beauty Consultants who sign an agreement ($100) are eligible to get a $100 rebate when they place a $600 wholesale order by the end of April. On top of that, they get $100 in free full size product, $113.50 in a free color look customized just for them, $56.50 in free samples, free personal website for 6 months, free catalogs, and the Starter Kit, alone, comes with over $300 in full size product. It's freaking amazing!!! My hope is that anyone I know takes a moment to look at the info and open their mind to the potential of the opportunity. :) It has blessed my life more than I could tell!!

I've made the decision to earn my first free car with Mary Kay. This is a huge goal, one of the best kinds - it's big enough to scare me! :) So, send me some good energy as I work toward this goal!!

Family Photo

It's pretty rare for us to have any pictures around with both of us in them, especially those taken by other people. So, on Christmas Day, I had Patrick's sister take a picture for/of us. I think we make a pretty cute couple.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!!!

New Years Affirmations

Rather than write down New Year Resolutions, I'd like to focus on affirmations instead...

I am a beautiful daughter of God.
I am blessed with many talents and love to share those talents with others.
I am a valued part of my families...in my marriage, my immediate and extended families, and Patrick's family.
I am a healthy and active woman.
I am a dedicated worker.
I make regular efforts to be a more spiritual and kind individual.
I create peace and happiness all around me and especially within myself.
I enjoy all of life's moments, appreciating the lessons life provides for me to learn.

Mr. and Mrs. Largin......Shotgun Style :)

Here is my lovely fairy tale...



Once upon a time there lived a lovely couple, Patrick and Alison. They had been engaged for just over 5 months and wedding plans were a topic of frequent discussion. Several ideas were considered, but alas, to their frustration, none were panning out.

A couple days before their planned trip to Phoenix for Christmas, the two lovebirds decided to wed during the trip. First they thought of Mesquite, NV. Alison called the casinos there to see what wedding options there were... The wedding planner at one chain of casinos would be out of town until after the first of the year. The wedding planner at another was helpful, but they didn't have the low-scale options that the couple were looking for. She gave Alison a phone number to call a guy who could marry them at his home. This wasn't an ideal option either. Next, Patrick called places in Laughlin, NV and found similar disappointing results.

That evening after work, Alison was at a coworker's birthday celebration. Several people had heard that the couple was planning to wed the next day, and Alison shared the disappointments in trying to plan a small ceremony. Just then, Carl, another coworker, piped in that he was an ordained minister and would love to perform the ceremony for them! Alison called Patrick and they immediately started planning.

The next evening, Saturday, December 22nd, Patrick and Alison and a small group of close friends went to the Thaifoon restaurant in Salt Lake City and were married by Carl. It was a beautiful and simple ceremony, and a first for the restaurant! :) Here are some pictures of the ceremony:


Alison and Patrick waiting for the elevator at The Gateway.


Patrick, Carl, and Alison at the very beginning of the ceremony.



Just married!!! Our first kiss as husband and wife. :)


Just before our celebratory toast. :) What a cute couple!


Our wedding cake. Shay and Tia got them for us...with such short notice they had to split "Congratulations Alison + Patrick" onto two cakes. :)


We couldn't be happier to finally be married! We're excited about going into 2008 united in marriage and living a life full of blessings and love. Thanks to everyone, especially Carl, who helped us pull this together. We are blessed with so many wonderful people in our lives.

The End

***UPDATE 1/9/08***
I didn't realize that "Shotgun Wedding" implies that the bride is pregnant. :) No, I am not pregnant. It was a quick elope-style wedding rather than a Shotgun wedding. Hopefully babies are in the near future, though!!!

Almost December...

I can't help but wonder where the time has gone?!?! There are 35 days or so until Christmas. Supposedly I am to get married sometime in the next 35 days. Meanwhile, I'm working full time, preparing for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and trying to figure out what needs to heal internally for me to be able to ditch the fear of being married again. I know no relationship is perfect (a concept some people would argue), and I'm willing to deal with that. I just don't want to be a mother instead of a spouse, a housekeeper instead of a partner, or an ever-emptying vessel not receiving the resources it needs. And the heaviest question of all is...will these concerns be resolved before I get married? Or am I willing to commit and see how they iron out after the nuptials?? Relationships change after the "I do's" are spoken. At that point it is sooo easy to take anything for granted. It's a done deal, after all. I've been there and done that, and going through a divorce is a miserable process. It set me back in so many areas of my life. I wasn't prepared for it, strong enough to make it through it, and I barely believe that I am better for it. So where do I go from here?

I love him. Would I really be willing to do anything for him? Is he really willing to do anything for me? Could we put ourselves aside and be unified in each other? The answer is meaningless in words. Only action...consistent heartfelt action...could convince me.