Reflecting

Father's Day is this coming Sunday.

I had a good talk with my dad on the phone last week. My parents live in Phoenix, and I have lived in Utah for 8 years now. I miss living close to home...close to all my nephews and nieces, siblings, and my mom and dad.

My dad will always say how he wasn't a good father when we were young. I know he sincerely feels some regret about working too much and spending too little time with us kids. I understand his perspective. And yet, I see my perspective as one of his kids. :)




I love and adore my dad. When I think of him, I don't have any judgments about the time he spent working vs. the time he spent with us at home. I do remember him being at work a lot, but I also remember spending time with him at work. He is an architect, so I remember using different programs at his work to create things. There was one program where we could create different colored lines and make elaborate designs. I loved doing that. When I was 10 or so, I remember learning how to drive while we waited for him to come out of the office. Most of the time, we were a one car family, so we would pile into our van to pick him up from work. I got some good driving lessons sitting on my mom's lap and steering the van. I really enjoyed that. When I was in high school, in my geography class, we had to design a home using floorplans and making a scaled model. My dad was extremely helpful with this project! He helped us use one of the programs at work to design the home, and it was so amazing that we had a party cutting out and creating the model. Easy, breazy. And our project kicked major a$$! I also remember going on camping trips with my dad and my sister. One time, we were tailgate camping, and I remember being utterly amazed at how smart my dad is when he boiled eggs on a campfire using paper cups. Every time I have hiked the Grand Canyon, my dad has been there...all six times. I also remember being completely heartbroken over a guy and sitting on the couch, my head on my dad's shoulder, as I cried over the broken relationship. He is a man of few words, typically, though he is a professional lecturer when it comes to his children. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that my dad loves me, and always has.

So, today I have been reflecting on my dad and the role he has played in my life. I am so grateful to have a father figure that has been present from day one, and who cares enough to vocalize his love and concern for me. I know he has a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and that is an ever-present reminder for me.

I love my dad. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I just wanted to quickly express my thanks for the many blessings I have been given.

I am so blessed to have a great husband who loves me and supports me. I think I appreciate this blessing so much more than I otherwise would, because once upon a time I had a husband who did not support me, and I question whether or not he truly loved me. So, Patrick, thank you so much for being such a loving, patient, and forgiving husband. :) You are truly amazing.

I am very grateful for my wonderful family. I love my parents and my siblings, their spouses, and my beautiful nephews and nieces. All of my in-laws, too! I missed sharing this holiday with my family (especially mom's baking...Rolls to Die For), though I am also very blessed to have great friends who invited Patrick and me to their home for the feast. The rolls weren't my mom's, but they were still tasty. The turkey dressed in bacon and then baked was soooooo good!!

Which leads me to my friends. Great friends are one of life's most precious treasures. And I have a sack full of treasures!

I am grateful that I chose to take part in being an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay back in May of 2006. I cannot explain what a blessing this has been in my life. I have met so many people and found amazing mentors who have influenced my life for the good. The extra income is great, but I have to be honest - the life changes have been priceless. I anxiously anticipate the good things to come in my life through this great opportunity!

I am eternally thankful for my testimony of God's love for me. Boy have I been a screwed up person, and thank goodness Jesus Christ has made it possible for me to move beyond the screwed up version of me. :) I find so much peace knowing that all things are possible when God is involved, including becoming a better person. Just like with family...I cannot thoroughly put into words how blessed I am because of this knowledge. :)

I am grateful for the beautiful home we live in, our 3 kitties who make me so happy, and the food on our table. I live a good life. And it is all due to God's hand. Thank you!

Now I am going to go eat some more pie. (I'll post recipes for the Rolls to Die For and Pumpkin Cheesecake Pie soon! They are divine!!)

Hello again!

Wow, I have really fallen off the blogging wagon! My mind has obviously been elsewhere for the last couple months, which has been a really good thing. I think I'm ready to get back into the blogging world now that My world is a lot more stable.

During my break, I did make a little bag/tote one day. The craft bug has been biting me pretty hard lately. Deciding what to do can be a challenge. Here's how the bag turned out:



I used fabric I had on hand for the bag and to line the support piece inside, and I used fabric I had pieced together previously for the strap. Not my favorite color scheme, but I just needed to make something.


Here's the inside. I cut out a piece of cardboard and covered it with fabric using a glue gun. Totally brought me back to my teenage years when I covered a lot of notebooks with batting and fabric and made all sorts of pretty notebooks. Perhaps that is when my love/infatuation with notebooks and binders began...


And here is the bottom of the bag. I used a plastic bag from Z Gallerie as the template, and it turned out pretty good. I think I'll use this bag to hold my current embroidery projects and embroidery supplies.



I also stitched a Jack-O-Lantern face on a fabric pumpkin that I stitched years and years ago and finally put stuffing in a few weeks ago. I still need to find a cute twig to put in as the stem, then pull and seal it shut. I unfortunately stitched the face too low, but it's cute to look at, anyway. (I'll try to remember to take a picture!)


My crafty efforts lately correspond with a quote I recently heard:

Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction.

~Deanna Spillman

So, I'll take my imperfect crafts over no crafts at all. :)

The Lovers

I don't know if I posted about my friend, Jillian, reading my Tarot cards, but I want to write down some of my thoughts from the reading.

It was on July 3rd, two days before Patrick initiated the conversation about the future of our marriage. I was working a double at work that day, and I was so excited for my break between shifts. As I was getting ready to wander for a couple hours, Jillian, a hostess at the restaurant, asked me if I would like her to read my cards during our break. I figured, why not? I'll read my horoscope once in a while for kicks. I have nothing to lose, and I might hear something comforting or insightful. And, it'll be fun and a first for me.

So, we went over to Barnes & Noble, sat at a table at the cafe, and went to town.

It would take too long to describe the layout she uses, every card that was drawn, the story about each card, and the meaning, as well as how it relates to my life, but let me tell you, it was FREAKING AMAZING. (The first card was The Lovers.) Even Jillian, who has done this a LOT, was completely blown away by how direct and applicable all of the cards were to the question I had, which was: What do I do about my marriage?

Here are some of the highlights:

• My inner balance is off and I need to restore it.
• I need to be kind to myself.
• I need to control my anxiety.
• A quiet retreat, sanctuary, or strategic withdrawal, where I can be alone with my thoughts will be very beneficial to me right now.
• I need to quit faking "calm" and show my true feelings.
• Nature is important to me. (the best place for me to find sanctuary)
• The relationship I want is characterized by mutual affinity and union, clear, true, supportive, comforting, with room for passions to grow. There is potential for this in my existing relationship.
• I should not re-enter social activities until satisfied that I have resumed contact with a personal value system.
• I need to withdraw from all distractions.
• I need to stand up for myself.
• Basically, the outcome is up to me, and I need to do what is necessary so I can have a clear mind and make a confident decision.

That same day I wrote down some Action Items for myself:

• Go visit Ken & Paula (my in-laws).
  
• Find my sanctuary in the wilderness near here.
• Follow through with a quiet, intentional withdrawal from all distractions. (NOT in the house - I have to be intentional with having purposeful introspection time.)
  
• Be clear and logical and explain what I want to Patrick.

While I'm not religious about Tarot cards, horoscopes, etc., I do think that sometimes we hear a needed message through a unique medium.

I keep forgetting to focus on the good things I got out of this experience. I still haven't retreated to the wilderness, though I have spent hours in the back yard, reading and watching the wind breathe through the blades of grass.

I keep spending too much time with other people, and not with my own intentional thoughts. I really need to stop doing this. I want to wake up each day, have a plan and a goal, and work productively toward being a better person that day.

So, that's my first experience with tarot cards. Not too shabby. :)

Your best face

Today my mom, aunt, and my aunt's grandson came up to Salt Lake City to eat lunch at the restaurant where I work. Previously this weekend, my mom mentioned that she would like to see the new place. I planned on cleaning up yesterday, but ended up not doing much in the way of tidying the house. This morning she called, and I invited everyone to come in when they arrived.


Well, did you get a chance to clean the house?

Not really, but we're all family. I've seen you all at your worst, so it's not a big deal.

Do you really want us to come in if it's not clean?

It's not that messy. No one will get cooties coming in here. What's the big deal?

Well...okay...


Now I would LOVE to say that I couldn't care less what my house looks like, and I treat all people the same. However, that is simply not true. Typically I would spend some time sprucing up the place, even if just straightening cushions, vacuuming the floor, and lighting a candle. When it comes to family, though, I just don't feel like I have to put on a show. At least I shouldn't feel pressured to put on a show. I am who I am. And in light of recent life circumstances, I've cut way back on my obsessive compulsive cleaning habits. While this may be uncomfortable for some people who have their expectations about how I should behave (especially the husband), I'm not a freaking nanny.

When it comes to my house, what you see is what you get. This is my face.

This reminded me of a recent conversation I had, as well as my experience with a handful of people I know. When someone is taking your picture, do you prefer to have a certain side of your body or face photographed? A certain angle? A certain pose?

Why are we so preoccupied with putting on our best face for everyone?...protecting that which makes us feel vulnerable, below-average, and inadequate?

Do we all have a million different personalities and faces? That change with every circumstance or situation in which we find ourselves?

Is it possible to have one face and to feel completely secure about who you are?


I would like to get there.

the voice of life, the voice of Being, of perpetual Becoming

I'm almost done with Women Who Love Too Much, and I think I will immediately read it again. This book has been amazing for me. Amazing enough to help me smile this morning when I was told how to do laundry...a smile, chuckle, and then, "you know, you can do your own damn laundry." Mmm...it felt good.

I'm also almost done with Siddhartha. I can see why this book is a favorite for some of my favorite authors. I can see how it has influenced their works, or at least aligned with their thought processes anyway.

"Often they sat together in the evening on the tree trunk by the river. They both listened silently to the water, which to them was not just water, but the voice of life, the voice of Being, of perpetual Becoming. And it sometimes happened that while listening to the river, they both thought the same thoughts, perhaps of a conversation of the previous day, or about on of the travelers whose fate and circumstances occupied their minds, or death, or their childhood; and when the river told them something good at the same moment, they looked at each other, both thinking the same thought, both happy at the same answer to the same question."

Herman Hesse, Siddartha p. 108

When I am able to have this quality of relationship with a person, I feel ridiculously blessed. I met a handful of people like this at Outback, getting to know them intimately while spending a week at a time in the wilderness. Oh, how I miss that job.

I dated a guy like that, too. I miss the nights we would sit outside, stare at the stars in silence and just be on the same page.

I want that.

The brief moments where the stars align and being is experienced lately have been wonderful. Very wonderful.

I'm excited about this stage of my journey. Good things are happening.

Fall Back by Obadiah Parker

I love it when I'm listening to my Ipod and I hear a "new" song that hits home. Here's the lyrics to this one:

Fall Back

I swear that I’ve been here before, on this same couch with this
Same disregard.
Baby, this is where darkness lives, and it’ll catch you off your guard.
I hope you can believe there’s more to me than what you see,
And that we have no business here even though you don’t agree.

Until we fall back onto the great I am
We’ll use up all we got, our love we will exhaust.
Until we learn to trust in the God of Abraham
And give up what we got, all will be lost.

Something here is wrong, I can hear it in your voice,
But crying at home by yourself is your method of choice.
Over the phone, just a couple miles away, is right where I belong.
Do you think that you were happier before I came along?

Until we fall back onto the great I Am
We’ll use up all we got, our love we will exhaust.
Until we learn to trust in the God of Abraham
And give up what we got, all will be lost.

I want to love you well; I want to do this right.
During the day it’s so easy but it gets hard at night.
I hope you can believe that I can’t go on at this rate;
Something’s gotta change, I just hope it’s not too late

Until we fall back onto the great I Am
We’ll burn up all we got, our love we will exhaust.
Until we learn to trust in the God of Abraham
And give up what we got, all will be lost.

What’cha gonna do with your love?
What’cha gonna let go of?
It’s time to make your choice right now.

What’cha gonna do about this?
You know it’s never just one kiss.
Don’t lie to me, don’t lie to yourself.

I feel like everything is wrong.

TV, Tears, Books, and Dreams

I love the emotional chaos I experience revolving around my period. I actually got teary watching a girl win some prizes on The Price is Right this morning. What the...?!?!

I stayed up until 3:30 am doing nothing last night, then woke up before 8 am with horrific cramps. Thank goodness I had some Midol and a rice-filled hot pad that a friend gave me years ago. It heats up beautifully in the microwave. So take all that pain and discomfort, throw in some emotion, and voila - tears at The Price is Right. :) Silly.

There was an item to price for one of the games on The Price is Right that totally inspired a crafty idea for me. I got a couple wooden frames at DI the other day, and the frame on The Price is Right had a really cool design either painted or wood-burned into it. I'm totally going to get a wood burner and do this to one of, or both, of the frames I got!

I finished The Zahir by Paulo Coelho this morning while treating my abdomen with the hot pad. I really started reading this book in December then forgot to keep reading it for several months. I'm a pretty fast reader if I can stay focused long enough to actually read a book. Anyway, I really enjoyed the book. It took me awhile to get into it, but that's because I wasn't ready for it. In December, I was ready.

I am a huge fan of Paulo Coelho. I swear when I read his books, it is just the time in my life that I am touched very specifically by the book. This happened with The Alchemist and Eleven Minutes. I think I've read The Pilgrimage, but I can't remember! It seems like I had a pleasant dream about the story, and it has fueled my own passion to have a personal pilgrimage. I would be ecstatic to actually go walk/hike the road to Santiago by myself. Yep, by myself. I mentioned it to Patrick once, and he would flip out if I were gone, in a foriegn country, on foot, by myself, for a month. I suppose I understand, but that doesn't remove the yearning from my soul. I'm pretty sure I've read By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, too, but like The Pilgrimage, it's foggy in my memory. I'll read both of these again.

So, if you haven't read anything by Paulo Coelho, go get The Alchemist. It's a place to start.

On a Positive Note...

I need to have more positive notes.

Have you heard of Dr. Wayne Dyer? I first heard of him around 4-5 years ago (really? that long ago??) when I worked at Outback Therapeutic Expeditions. I got my hands on his CD lecture, The Power of Intention. I listened to the 6 CD's over and over and over. At the time, I had a 30 minute commute each way to work, so it was a great time to listen and ponder what I was hearing. Whenever I was listening to that collection, my life felt so much more focused. I felt at peace. I felt hope. These are totally different feeling words than I used in my last post. :)

Yesterday I was doing some cleaning and Dr. Wayne Dyer was on PBS promoting his newest lecture and books. This one is called Excuses Begone! The book was published this May, so the PBS special was excerpts from a lecture he gave, and they were raising money for PBS by selling his books and CD's. It was a great program. The little bit that I heard was TOTALLY what I needed to hear. He talked about the 18 most commonly used excuses that all of us use way too frequently when we settle for less.

• I Can't Afford It
• It's Going to be Risky
• It Will Take a Long Time
• I'm too Busy
• It Will be Difficult
• There Will be Family Drama
• I Don't Deserve It
• It's Not My Nature
• No One Will Help Me
• It Has Never Happened Before
• I'm Not Strong Enough
• I'm Not Smart Enough
• I'm Too Old (or Not Old Enough)
• The Rules Won't Let Me
• It's Too Big
• I Don't Have the Energy
• It's My Personal Family History
• I'm Too Scared

I really want to get the book and CD collection and really take the time to quit using these excuses in my life (including my current frustrating situation).

I believe that our thoughts dictate the direction and the quality of our experience in this world. I just need to put that belief into practice, so it becomes concrete knowledge. A great place for me to start is with how I think about myself and about Patrick, though I really do feel that focusing on myself is the true starting point.

Oh, I have so much work to do...


P.S. Daily Inspiration from Dr. Wayne Dyer!

P. P. S. Sorry no pictures. I need to start loving my camera again. I know I actually take time to look at and read posts when there's at least one picture. I'm such a hypocrite! ;)

blah

I ate chocolate cake batter as a snack today.

I didn't make any Mary Kay phone calls today.

I smell.

I went to work and made $30.

I went to a pole class that was fun.

I cleaned out my car.

I wasted a lot of time on the computer.

I want more cake batter. (Period time.)

That's my day today. I am definitely still in a funk.

A day late

Yesterday was an odd day for me. For several reasons:

1) Patrick's mom stopped by after her flight landed in SLC. She had been visiting her sister in California. I love seeing Jana and talking with her. I don't think I was prepared to tell her Happy Mother's Day or anything, though. I know it's not hard to say the words, but my whole day felt very off, so I couldn't put the heart behind the words. And Patrick may or may not have told her Happy Mother's Day, and if he did, it was probably minimized as much as possible. So, if I put forth a stronger message of love and appreciation than her own son....it's just weird. And it would be fine if he didn't get so bugged when I do communicate my love and appreciation for his mom.

***WHY do husbands think that their wife has to adopt their feelings toward their family??? I experienced this with my ex-husband, too, and it is DAMN annoying!

2) I didn't even call my own mom. How crappy is that? I didn't do it intentionally. I forgot. Like I said, yesterday wasn't the greatest, and I was consumed in my own frustrations and self-pity. Not good, but that's where I was. I will certainly call the little lady this morning and apologize profusely. (I'm a crappy daughter sometimes.)

3) I have been at a crossroad in my life, metaphorically speaking, that is, for quite some time. I am SICK of it! Yesterday was one of those days that just rubbed my nose in the fact that my life is okay, mediocre, average, and ordinary. And that just sucks. My life isn't meant to be those things. It is meant to be remarkable, extraordinary, meaningful, focused, driven, successful, loving, cherished, and blessed. The only thing between where it is now and where it should be, unfortunately, is ME. *sigh*

4) We're moving this month. This is great and all, but moving is stressful for me, and right now, I need to be focusing on other things. Reality bites. I'm going to be the whip cracker to get this done (aka getting Patrick to go through his shit). This role wears me out. And while I'm excited for this new home, I'm a little worried. Patrick's friend, Chris, is moving in with us. He's a great guy, and I like him a lot. Patrick swears that Chris is a clean person, but Patrick thinks that he is a clean person. I don't want another adult man to pick up after. Is that too much to ask? And for some reason, I can't figure out how to get Patrick to get things done without turning into a naggy, angry, bitter, resentful bitch. That is so not me! Can't we all just look around and pitch in every day????? Is that too much to ask???? And I'm hoping that having another person around won't be a strain on our already strained relationship. I guess we'll just see how it goes.

5) The best part of my day was watching last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy while I put laundry away. I love that show. Quite naturally, I cried. It sucks that Izzie is going to die (most likely, anyway), but I suppose Katherine Heigl asked for it. What a great show. It at least made the "love" part of my heart a little warm. Thank goodness tv fills in for the inadequacies of real life, eh? :)

Okay, I realize this post is really negative, pessimistic, and a load of crappy venting. But guess what? It had to be done. It's out, and I feel a little bit better. Like I told my mom when we were in Arizona at the beginning of the month, "All I can do is my best. I can't predict the outcome of anything, so in the meantime, I take care of myself, and do my very best." So, it's time I start doing it.

Thank Goodness

Thank goodness Patrick loves me enough to love me regardless of and as I work through my problems. Thank goodness I love Patrick enough to love him through his problems too.

This is one of the clips from the last episode of Grey's Anatomy. It wasn't the pivitol point of the episode or the biggest tear jerker for me, but still, a meaningful moment that reminded me of the importance of compassion and empathy.

Grey's Anatomy has put out 3 phenomenal episodes in a row with some serious tear jerking moments. The issues surrounding the death row patient and Meredith's compassion for him spurred a little ethics discussion in my head. I'm realizing more and more that the world is not black and white, and I find myself identifying with Meredith's choices in the last couple episodes.

I'm still digesting the last couple episodes and trying to process it all. Wow. Just wow.

(And I'm supposed to be doing homework right now.) :)

Warrior of the Light Online

If you love Paulo Coehlo, too, or don't know who he is (aka...have yet to fall in love with him!), check out his blog. It's a newsletter sort-of format where he shares insights and little stories. There's more information about him as well. Here's a link that will take you to an especially insightful article that has made me consider breaking the "norm."

Warrior of the Light Online

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Denver

I arrived in Denver on Monday to open up the new downtown Ling & Louie's. It's a brand new experience for me, which is exciting. It's also a big honor and privilege that I was selected from all the servers to represent the restaurant where I work. I really love being a server and doing my job well. I hope I can transfer that passion to the servers I train.

This morning my sister picked up me and another server I work with, Makayla, and we went to breakfast. It is really nice to see my sis again. I miss living close to family, and I really miss living close to my sis. I'm excited to get to spend time with her while I'm here.

I'll try to post little updates about my experience. For now, I need to go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a long and full day!!

Zen

Apparently I'm into lists today. I found this list of Lessons from a Zen Master on the Tracy Stokes website.

Lessons from a Zen Master

Soyen Shaku was the first Zen Buddhist master to teach in the United States and became the leading academic on Zen Buddhism in the West. In 1893 he taught about karma, non-violence, an end to war, and tolerance of other religions. He also lived his life by 10 simple rules, that have inspired me greatly in my practice (life), although I struggle terribly with number 1 (and number 2, and number 3…).

1. Upon awakening, quit your bed at once, like discarding a useless pair of shoes.
2. In the morning, before dressing, light incense and meditate.
3. Eat at regular intervals and only to the point of satisfying hunger.
4. Retire at a regular hour.
5. Receive a guest as when you are alone. Be alone as if you had received a guest.
6. Be aware of what you say. Say only what you would do.
7. Do not forego opportunity, nevertheless, think twice.
8. Do not regret the past but look instead to the future.
9. Have the fearless heart of a hero and the loving heart of a child.
10. When you retire to sleep do so as if it is your last night.

Photo credit: shioshvili

Personally, I struggle with almost all of these. I have a long way to go.

Ten Rules for Being Human

Ten Rules for Being Human

by Cherie Carter-Scott

1.	You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
2.	You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."
3.	There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."
4.	Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5.	Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6.	"There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
7.	Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8.	What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9.	Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10.	You will forget all this.

I found this on a website called My Success Company. I don't really know what's on the website, but I liked this list of "rules" for being human. It makes sense to me!

Uncorked

Have you seen any great movies? How about your top list of amazing movies? One movie that is on my list of "WOW Movies" is "Uncorked." This little clip is from near the very end of the movie and has a guitar solo that I think is pretty sweet.



Seriously, this is a great movie to see. It's a tough one to find, though. Only one of all the Hollywood Video stores in all of Utah county had it. I was able to get it through Blockbuster Online so my hubby could see it a year ago. Unfortunately, it's not really on sale anywhere, and anywhere that is selling it has the price marked up super high.

Anyway, what I love about this movie is that it tells a story of a man who wants a certain life so badly...riches, comfort, etc. The way he is pursuing these desires, though, is a dead end. Through the insight of his eccentric uncle, life is given new clarity and new meaning.

I really relate to the man's resistance to the natural path. It's a challenge when you really think or feel that life is going to unfold a certain way, and (as we all probably know by now) at what seems the most inopportune moment, it all comes crumbling down. We are left confused, disparaged, disheartened, and wondering what to do.

In all that chaos, something beautiful is simultaneously developing. The moment where a choice can be made, new direction taken, and forward momentum created. Whether it is a movie, book, new acquaintace, etc., I absolutely thrive on anything which has subject matter gravitating around this concept.

I am currently reading "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen. It was recommended to me by someone I hardly know yet highly respect. The copy I purchased is titled "As a Woman Thinketh," and it is exactly the same other than using "woman," "she," "her," etc. instead of "he," "man," "his," etc. I've been questioned a couple times by different people as to how necessary it is to change from male to female pronouns, and at this point, I'm sticking to enjoying being a woman and reading a book that has been redirected toward women. (that was a total side-tanjent)


As a Man/Woman Thinketh talks about how these circumstances in life are the "equitable outworking of her evolving, yet unevolved self." WOW...seriously, WOW!!!! Life experiences are the result of our innermost thoughts. They are also opportunities for us to learn and reroute ourselves onto a higher path. And, the same circumstances/experiences will continue to resurface over and over again until we do learn the lesson and make the appropriate changes. WOW! I feel like I always knew this, but conveniently denied knowing it. It was in my head only, not where it matters most...in my heart.

One of my favorite quotes from this book nails personal accountability right on the head:

"Woman is buffetted by circumstances so long as she believes herself to be the creature of outside conditions, but when she realizes that she is a creative power, and that she may command the hidden soil and seeds of her being out of which circumstaces grow, she then becomes the rightful master of herself."

So, I'm totally in deep thought about "life's purpose" and deciding how I am going to change my thoughts so I can achieve my life's purpose. Movies, books, discussions....bring it on. I love this stuff!

Childhood Dreams

I found this video on another blog today. I have so much respect for Dr. Randy Pausch who is giving the lecture. The video is 10 minutes long, but so worth every second of your time!



Wasn't that awesome?!?!

Here's what I got from the video:

~ I need to start dreaming like a child again
~ My life needs to be LIVED...every day
~ I have been sooooooooooo incredibly selfish lately. I know this because I've been a lazy ass.

Laziness = selfishness

~ I can't predict the future, what's going to happen in my life, or how much time I have left. Therefore, I need to take action on each moment I have and be grateful for the multitude of opportunities to be a greater person living a more fulfilling life.
~ I need to express GRATITUDE more often....and really mean it via feeling it
~ Daily Affirmations need to be part of my life...I need to visualize my dreams

So, I'm ready to go to work. Instead of just thinking about being a mommy, I need to actively prepare myself physically, emotionally, financially, etc. Instead of thinking about how successful I could be in Mary Kay, I need to work and put in the effort that will reap the rewards. I need to look inward and strengthen who I am. I need to get to know my spiritual side again. It won't surface if I don't invite it and nurture it.

Cheers to moving forward!

New Years Affirmations

Rather than write down New Year Resolutions, I'd like to focus on affirmations instead...

I am a beautiful daughter of God.
I am blessed with many talents and love to share those talents with others.
I am a valued part of my families...in my marriage, my immediate and extended families, and Patrick's family.
I am a healthy and active woman.
I am a dedicated worker.
I make regular efforts to be a more spiritual and kind individual.
I create peace and happiness all around me and especially within myself.
I enjoy all of life's moments, appreciating the lessons life provides for me to learn.

Mr. and Mrs. Largin......Shotgun Style :)

Here is my lovely fairy tale...



Once upon a time there lived a lovely couple, Patrick and Alison. They had been engaged for just over 5 months and wedding plans were a topic of frequent discussion. Several ideas were considered, but alas, to their frustration, none were panning out.

A couple days before their planned trip to Phoenix for Christmas, the two lovebirds decided to wed during the trip. First they thought of Mesquite, NV. Alison called the casinos there to see what wedding options there were... The wedding planner at one chain of casinos would be out of town until after the first of the year. The wedding planner at another was helpful, but they didn't have the low-scale options that the couple were looking for. She gave Alison a phone number to call a guy who could marry them at his home. This wasn't an ideal option either. Next, Patrick called places in Laughlin, NV and found similar disappointing results.

That evening after work, Alison was at a coworker's birthday celebration. Several people had heard that the couple was planning to wed the next day, and Alison shared the disappointments in trying to plan a small ceremony. Just then, Carl, another coworker, piped in that he was an ordained minister and would love to perform the ceremony for them! Alison called Patrick and they immediately started planning.

The next evening, Saturday, December 22nd, Patrick and Alison and a small group of close friends went to the Thaifoon restaurant in Salt Lake City and were married by Carl. It was a beautiful and simple ceremony, and a first for the restaurant! :) Here are some pictures of the ceremony:


Alison and Patrick waiting for the elevator at The Gateway.


Patrick, Carl, and Alison at the very beginning of the ceremony.



Just married!!! Our first kiss as husband and wife. :)


Just before our celebratory toast. :) What a cute couple!


Our wedding cake. Shay and Tia got them for us...with such short notice they had to split "Congratulations Alison + Patrick" onto two cakes. :)


We couldn't be happier to finally be married! We're excited about going into 2008 united in marriage and living a life full of blessings and love. Thanks to everyone, especially Carl, who helped us pull this together. We are blessed with so many wonderful people in our lives.

The End

***UPDATE 1/9/08***
I didn't realize that "Shotgun Wedding" implies that the bride is pregnant. :) No, I am not pregnant. It was a quick elope-style wedding rather than a Shotgun wedding. Hopefully babies are in the near future, though!!!