What I've been up to as of late...

I shared some personal thoughts on our family blog tonight.

For the rest of the update on current life events, I have been house sitting for my sister and her husband for the last couple weeks while they are out of the country enjoying a fantastic vacation and a wedding.  I brought my daughter with me, of course, and we are taking care of their 2 dogs and 2 cats.  It's been a WONDERFUL break from the heat that was already encompassing life in Phoenix.  I look at the forecast and compare Phoenix to Newport, Oregon frequently and smile as I set the heater here to 68 degrees.

The 2 dogs are beautiful black Russian terriers.  They require a lot of activity to keep them and me sane, and it has been a lot of fun to get out and go on hikes with them.  I throw Lola into her carrier on my back, and I am sure it's an interesting sight to see me hauling a baby and hanging onto the leashes attached to 2 big dogs.  I love when I can let them off leash...they wear each other out.  I really enjoy hiking along the coast on sunny days and in the wilderness on cloudy days.

In a couple weeks I will be back in Salt Lake City.  I really miss Utah.  It became my home.  After a visit there, I will head back to Phoenix and find a part-time job.  I am and am not looking forward to this. :)  I am looking forward to getting in a position to find an apartment or home to rent and to have our family together in our own little space.

Patrick is living in Salt Lake City right now, working diligently on getting some projects finished up in his shop and getting packed up to move his business to Phoenix.  It has taken longer than we expected, and it has been really hard to be apart for so long.  Long distance marriage is tough.  I miss our daily routine and sleeping so contently next to him.  We pray continually that things will go well for him and he will be able to join us as soon as possible.

I have been busy being a mom to the most amazing little girl in my world.  I can't believe she is 21 months old.  I see her legs getting longer and more lean, as well as her arms, and I just get a little sad that my baby is growing into a little child.  I love this stage we are in, though it exhausts me.  She is so alert and smart and has such a fun personality.  She's getting into her independent stage where anything I hand her is no good...she's got to get it for herself.  I make sure to breathe deeply and allow messes to happen for the sake of memories and her learning process being fulfilled.  Sometimes I want to just bite her cheeks, she's so cute!

I've also been crocheting a bit and keeping my creative juices flowing.  It's a nice outlet.  I made the beanie she's wearing in that last picture.  Not too shabby for my first beanie with flowers!

Anyway, life is stressful for sure.  But it is always so deliciously good.

Bullet-point

When I put together a post on my blog, I typically have something specific to post. Tonight, I have far too many thoughts swimming around in my head, so I'll go ahead with a bullet-point of these thoughts.

1. I really love the music on Grey's Anatomy. I picked a couple of artists from the last episode and made a new Pandora station that is FABULOUS. And SUPER AWESOME. The main artist is The Xx.
2. I finally got a library card! I've lived in Utah for almost 8 years, and I have been without a library card the whole time. How sad is that?! So, I have the giddy "free-shopping" feeling of going to the library, browsing through books, CDs, and movies. I love it.
3. For Christmas, Patrick made me a Christmas Tree. It was a really busy holiday season, and money was tight, so I broke down in tears one day over not having a tree. I came home from work to a work of art on our wall. It was made of cut out wrapping paper with a string of lights pinned up and ornaments hanging off of the string of lights. Our star tree-topper was at the top. The rest of our Christmas decorations were all out on display as well. What a thoughtful gesture that was. I have a sweet husband.
4. I have an amazing job offer. I interview next week, and will hopefully find out shortly thereafter that I definitely have it. I'd say the job is 90% mine...the benefit of knowing the future boss. I am so very excited!
5. Patrick and I visited my family in January. The weather was amazing, and it was a really good time. Probably one of the best visits in the last few years!
6. My parents, sis, and sis's boyfriend came to visit earlier this month. That was also a nice visit. We girls went with Patrick's mom to Time Out For Women. It was an amazing two days. The first night, Jenny Oaks Baker played several songs on her violin. I cried when she played the Suite from Far and Away. Wow, it was amazing. It made me want to pick up my violin and start playing again. I miss my violin.
7. I got a calling in December to be the Relief Society Music Director. I've thoroughly enjoyed selecting hymns that go with the topic being taught in Relief Society each week. It's so amazing how music can really bring the spirit into a room!
8. Last week I got another calling to be a Visiting Teaching District Leader. I'm hoping it helps hold me accountable to do my own visiting teaching. :)
9. Patrick got a promotion at his job. Better pay, better hours, and a more enjoyable position. We're both excited about all of the betters.
10. I am chomping on the bit to start a family. Patrick is thrilled, too. We just need to get a few ducks in a row, and it'll be baby-time. I'm less scared/excited and more anxious/excited, which I think is a good thing.
11. I think I am a pretty nice person. Not a pushover-nice, but genuine-nice. I've had a couple experiences in the last couple months where I have been told otherwise. Both occasions were from people who are unhappy with themselves, and I truly believe that I was not being a rude, insensitive jerk. The lesson learned: I am capable of being happy and kind regardless of how I am treated. It's a choice. MY choice. And I will always choose happiness and kindness first. It'll be perceived however it's perceived...

Okay, my brain is now empty and Patrick just got home from work. Snuggle time. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I just wanted to quickly express my thanks for the many blessings I have been given.

I am so blessed to have a great husband who loves me and supports me. I think I appreciate this blessing so much more than I otherwise would, because once upon a time I had a husband who did not support me, and I question whether or not he truly loved me. So, Patrick, thank you so much for being such a loving, patient, and forgiving husband. :) You are truly amazing.

I am very grateful for my wonderful family. I love my parents and my siblings, their spouses, and my beautiful nephews and nieces. All of my in-laws, too! I missed sharing this holiday with my family (especially mom's baking...Rolls to Die For), though I am also very blessed to have great friends who invited Patrick and me to their home for the feast. The rolls weren't my mom's, but they were still tasty. The turkey dressed in bacon and then baked was soooooo good!!

Which leads me to my friends. Great friends are one of life's most precious treasures. And I have a sack full of treasures!

I am grateful that I chose to take part in being an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay back in May of 2006. I cannot explain what a blessing this has been in my life. I have met so many people and found amazing mentors who have influenced my life for the good. The extra income is great, but I have to be honest - the life changes have been priceless. I anxiously anticipate the good things to come in my life through this great opportunity!

I am eternally thankful for my testimony of God's love for me. Boy have I been a screwed up person, and thank goodness Jesus Christ has made it possible for me to move beyond the screwed up version of me. :) I find so much peace knowing that all things are possible when God is involved, including becoming a better person. Just like with family...I cannot thoroughly put into words how blessed I am because of this knowledge. :)

I am grateful for the beautiful home we live in, our 3 kitties who make me so happy, and the food on our table. I live a good life. And it is all due to God's hand. Thank you!

Now I am going to go eat some more pie. (I'll post recipes for the Rolls to Die For and Pumpkin Cheesecake Pie soon! They are divine!!)

Marriage & Divorce

Just when I needed to hear it:



Something unique about me - when I need to hear or read something, it appears. This need isn't a temporal need; it is not a religious need; it is a spiritual need. And it comes in various forms: a smile, an old book, a phone call, a picture, an email, a video, etc.

Anyway, this video is just what I needed to hear right now.

I think I know what I am going to do with this relationship, but doubt still fills my mind. I want to make the right decisions. I suppose I should go consult the man upstairs. :)


A side note: My friend, Brinn, lent me her copy of Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. Talk about a mind-blowing book. I am a woman who loves too much, and I'm excited to finish this book and learn how to stop this negative and unhealthy pattern in my life. I HIGHLY recommend this book to every single woman out there. You will learn something that you can apply to yourself or that will help you be a supportive friend for your friends who are stuck in codependent relationships. What a great book.



I turn 30 tomorrow, and I am very excited about the possibilities of the future. I'm grateful that I am able to continue learning and growing and becoming the woman God intends me to be!

Use Your Words

Have you heard a mom say that to their little kid when they are whining or otherwise ineffectively communicating? I've heard a LOT of mom's say that. And I anticipate saying that to my kids as well.

I feel like saying that to myself and to my husband lately.

Why is it that when something is going wrong in a relationship, it is far easier to give the silent treatment rather than to communicate the issue and resolve it quickly?

Grunts and two word answers do not count as communicating.

And remaining silent instead of expressing myself does not count either.

I feel like if I were to use my words, it wouldn't be pretty. Perhaps that is how he also feels.

It has been a quiet day. Very quiet.

I just don't know what to do with myself...

You know that song with that line in the lyrics? I don't remember what the rest of the song was about, but that line is popping into my head.

Sometimes I can't get too specifically personal on my blog, which drives me nuts. There are things I would like to say and put into words to help me process my thoughts, but I'm afraid of people reading it and jumping straight to their own assumptions.

Hell, who cares.

My marriage is still pretty rough. I'm at the point where I honestly don't know if this is going to work, or if I think it is even supposed to work. I'm tired of having conversations about what needs to happen, followed by very little (if any) action. I'm tired of being the belittled and berated scapegoat. I'm tired of being judged by someone who is not innocent. I'm tired of not feeling like I'm as amazing as I really am.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

A day late

Yesterday was an odd day for me. For several reasons:

1) Patrick's mom stopped by after her flight landed in SLC. She had been visiting her sister in California. I love seeing Jana and talking with her. I don't think I was prepared to tell her Happy Mother's Day or anything, though. I know it's not hard to say the words, but my whole day felt very off, so I couldn't put the heart behind the words. And Patrick may or may not have told her Happy Mother's Day, and if he did, it was probably minimized as much as possible. So, if I put forth a stronger message of love and appreciation than her own son....it's just weird. And it would be fine if he didn't get so bugged when I do communicate my love and appreciation for his mom.

***WHY do husbands think that their wife has to adopt their feelings toward their family??? I experienced this with my ex-husband, too, and it is DAMN annoying!

2) I didn't even call my own mom. How crappy is that? I didn't do it intentionally. I forgot. Like I said, yesterday wasn't the greatest, and I was consumed in my own frustrations and self-pity. Not good, but that's where I was. I will certainly call the little lady this morning and apologize profusely. (I'm a crappy daughter sometimes.)

3) I have been at a crossroad in my life, metaphorically speaking, that is, for quite some time. I am SICK of it! Yesterday was one of those days that just rubbed my nose in the fact that my life is okay, mediocre, average, and ordinary. And that just sucks. My life isn't meant to be those things. It is meant to be remarkable, extraordinary, meaningful, focused, driven, successful, loving, cherished, and blessed. The only thing between where it is now and where it should be, unfortunately, is ME. *sigh*

4) We're moving this month. This is great and all, but moving is stressful for me, and right now, I need to be focusing on other things. Reality bites. I'm going to be the whip cracker to get this done (aka getting Patrick to go through his shit). This role wears me out. And while I'm excited for this new home, I'm a little worried. Patrick's friend, Chris, is moving in with us. He's a great guy, and I like him a lot. Patrick swears that Chris is a clean person, but Patrick thinks that he is a clean person. I don't want another adult man to pick up after. Is that too much to ask? And for some reason, I can't figure out how to get Patrick to get things done without turning into a naggy, angry, bitter, resentful bitch. That is so not me! Can't we all just look around and pitch in every day????? Is that too much to ask???? And I'm hoping that having another person around won't be a strain on our already strained relationship. I guess we'll just see how it goes.

5) The best part of my day was watching last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy while I put laundry away. I love that show. Quite naturally, I cried. It sucks that Izzie is going to die (most likely, anyway), but I suppose Katherine Heigl asked for it. What a great show. It at least made the "love" part of my heart a little warm. Thank goodness tv fills in for the inadequacies of real life, eh? :)

Okay, I realize this post is really negative, pessimistic, and a load of crappy venting. But guess what? It had to be done. It's out, and I feel a little bit better. Like I told my mom when we were in Arizona at the beginning of the month, "All I can do is my best. I can't predict the outcome of anything, so in the meantime, I take care of myself, and do my very best." So, it's time I start doing it.

WOW me with your great service...

Good Customer Service vs. Bad Customer Service:

Well, here's today's example of bad customer service which I find pretty funny, actually...

Patrick got a phone call from a debt management company (not sure the name...don't care, either), and when he firmly informed the caller that he was on the Federal Do Not Call List and should not have been called, the caller said, "Do you have any KY Jelly for the dildo I'm about to shove up your @$$?" SERIOUSLY!!! The guy, representing that company, actually said that to Patrick. Who does that?? He must seriously hate his job, and maybe he saw a window with a blue sky of unemployment to jump out of. :)

Speaking of unemployment, Patrick is a whiz when it comes down to finding numbers. So, he just had a talk with the company and will be getting a call back when this caller has been "dealt" with.

Ahh...I'll laugh about this one for awhile.


***UPDATE***
So, the VP of the company called Patrick back and informed him that they found the caller, actually had a recording of the conversation, and they immediately escorted him off of the premises. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahah!!!!!! Oh, that is too funny!

Then the VP asked him how he got their phone number, since they get around the Do Not Call List by routing their calls through Canada. All he would say is, "I'm just really resourceful."

(Thank you Google!)

Vintage Gift Idea

I'm pretty sure I've posted this picture before, but I need to remind myself of this project. My creative juices are flowing in regards to this one!!



This is a collection of vintage multi-stamp transfers of old cars. My husband is a vintage freak and an old-car freak. This would be an awesome project to do for him. I just can't decide if I should do a wall hanging or a quilt.

My mom and her neighbor have been playing with her neighbor's humongous quilting machine. This thing takes up an entire room, and they've done some amazing work on quilts my mom has made. She is finishing a project and asked me if I want it. I am so wishing I had a camera so I could have taken some pictures. It's so pretty. I just don't have a lot of space. So don't kill me, but I said no. She told me (and I knew) that she would rather it go to someone who really wants it and will treasure it. A lot of time has gone into that quilt.

So, I want to embroider the old car patterns, put it together as a quilt with some sweet vintage fabrics, and have my mom and her neighbor quilt it. I'm giving myself 12-18 months for this project. :) Either next Christmas, or a year from Patrick's birthday sounds like a reasonable timeline.

New Favorite Song

"You Don't Know Me" by Ben Folds featuring Regina Spektor is my new favorite song. It combines two artists that I love into one really great song. (push play!)



I love the lyrics:

I wanna ask you -
Do you ever sit and wonder,
It's so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
What goes on in the other one's head?

Things I've felt but I've never said
You said things that I never said
So I'll say something that I should have said long ago:

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

You could have just propped me up on the table like a mannequin
Or a cardboard stand-up and paint me (paint me)
Any face that you wanted me
To be seen.
We're
Damned by the existential moment where
We saw the couple in the coma and
It was we were the cliché,
But we carried on anyway.

So, sure, I could just close my eyes.
Yeah, sure, trace and memorize,
But can you go back once you know

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me

If I'm the person that you think I am (Ah ah ahh)
Clueless chump you seem to think I am (Ah ah ahhh)
So easily led astray,
An errant dog who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash, then
Why the f*%& would you want me back?!

Maybe it's because

(You don't know me at all)

Ahhh ah
Ahhh ah

(You don't know me,
you don't know me.)

Ahhh ah
Ahhh ah

So, what I'm trying to say is
What (What?)
I'm trying to tell you
It's not gonna come out like I wanna say it cause I know you'll only change it.
(Say it.)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

What?

(Mmmm, ohh oh
Ah ah ah ah ah
Aha ah ah ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Aha ah
Ah ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Oh-oh-oh-oh oh ohh)


Now, I know the song is kind of depressing, but seriously, anyone who has been in a serious relationship for a chunk of time knows that you do get to a point where you're just wondering what the hell is going on anymore. It's not the end of the world...it's just a point where you have to get your own worlds back on course to where they collide into each other again.

I can really relate to this song right now. I see both myself and my hubby in the lyrics. The frustration, the wondering, and the desire to stick it out and get to know each other all over again. Yesterday was our 8 month anniversary, and even in that short amount of time, I know there's room to grow closer...to be better individuals...to be a better couple. In my humble opinion and in my limited experience, the key to having a successful relationship is selflessness. If there is any selfishness, a wedge is put in place, and you end up feeling alienated and/or hopeless. The kicker here (as I'm processing what I'm typing...) is that I am and have been really selfish. Ugh. I love and hate realizations about myself.

Now, I have no idea if Patrick feels this way too, or if it's just me. I do know this is a LOT of self-disclosure for a blog. This is my "journal," though, so it is what it is.

Scrapblog

I used to scrapbook with a friend of mine, but it has been years since I really put any effort into it. I'm still working on a project for my dad for Christmas '07...a scrapbook. Yep, I find it time and space consuming, and I just don't deal with it anymore.

So...I was super excited to find Scrapblog!!! Here's a little example of what I created tonight. I know it's not the best, but it's still fun.

shopping, weight, and drivers licenses

Patrick and I went shopping a couple days ago. He got some new jeans and shoes, and I got 2 pairs of shoes, these capris, a work shirt, and a sexy skirt. Patrick says my wardrobe is pathetic, so I had him "help" me pick out some things. I don't know if I really like these capris a whole lot, but he said they looked good. I typically don't wear pants, shorts, etc. with the waist at my actual waistline. I feel like a granny. These have that high waistline. Patrick says I'm weird and that the high waistline looks good. Does he realize I have a belly?!?! Oh, boys. I'm sure I'm just being my normal self-conscious self.

I finally got my new Drivers License today. We got married in December, and just now (7 months later) got my license renewed. I probably would have put it off even longer if it hadn't expired on July 14th. :)

I took a good dose of extra time getting ready, because I wanted to look really nice in my picture. When it came down to picture time, I didn't really smile for some reason. When the picture popped up on the screen, I said, "Oh! I have such a chubby face!" (sad tone of voice) The guy taking the picture said, "What??" And I repeated myself. How sad to have a chubby, non-smiling picture on a license I'll be carrying around for awhile. (can you tell I'm having a fat day??)

So, I decided that when I hit my target weight, I'll go in and get a new license...with a new weight...and a new cute picture. And I'll also be able to fit into a super hot vintage leather jacket Patrick picked out for me at D.I.

Check out the cool details! There are two front pockets on both sides.
There is a 1973 penny in one pocket, and the missing button in another pocket.
Too fun.

Anyway, that's the fun we've been up to lately. I'm posting pictures of Patrick's hot rod on our family blog, Family Life if you want to read about that.

Happy Birthday to Me!

My birthday was yesterday, and it was a great day. So great that it's still going. For some dumb reason, I'm still up at 3 am Stumbling through the internet and watching YouTube videos of Santogold. I'm lovin' her music!



So, here's how my Birthday went:

Patrick started his new job today as a Pool Technician, so around or just before 8 am, he kissed me goodbye and told me to enjoy my birthday of sleeping in. Oh, he knows me so so so well. :) So, I went back to sleep after telling him I love him and to call and let me know how his day is going.

At 9:30, Patrick wakes me up. I was so confused, because he was supposed to be at work, yet he was carrying a tray with a plate full of fresh strawberry & blueberry pancakes, bacon, hash browns, eggs, and soy milk...and let's not forget the beautiful peachy colored roses in a vase! It took a minute for my sleepy mind to realize he didn't work at all and had "gone to work" making breakfast for me. What a sweetheart. I can't believe the bacon smell didn't wake me up. I love the smell of bacon.

So, after filling my belly and appropriately thanking Patrick for breakfast, I got up and lounged for a bit then went outside and got dirty. My plants were in desperate need of being repotted. The soil was all crusty, and their roots were circling the bottom of the pots. So, I played with my plants and made my front porch all tidy and welcoming.

Then I showered and got ready for the day. I met my friends Shay, Tia, and Dustin at a nearby restaurant, Mazza, where a friend of ours, Nicole, is a server. We had a lovely lunch...their food is soooooo good!!! I ate entirely too much. Thank goodness it's my birthday, as calories do not count!

After I got home from lunch, Patrick and I went to Ace Hardware. Patrick in that store is like me in a gift shop, bookstore, Mary Kay catalog, shoe store, etc. ...pretty much drooling over every damn thing. It was adorable, really. We got some hardware to hang up some shelves in our kitchen. So, we went home and did that. I am so grateful that I married a handyman. It's a life saver! I arranged stuff in the kitchen and moved some other items downstairs. We're still getting things moved around after holding a Yard Sale, so someday I'll have a cozy home that's not cluttered with cardboard boxes. :)

We decided we wanted to see a movie, so we had a difficult time narrowing it down to what movie we would see. We decided on Wanted.

Lissy, Patrick's sister, stopped by and brought me a birthday cake! How sweet!!! We showed her our new kick ass kitchen table that we got at an antique shop on Saturday, then showed her and her husband, Dan, Patrick's Model A body that he finally brought home and set on the frame.

(Good grief, I have a LOT of pictures to take!)

Around 9:30, we left to go see the movie. It was great...a lot of blood and language...a great story and "lesson" to the plot.

We got home a little after midnight, Patrick went to bed, I started watering the lawn, and got on the internet...3 hours later, here I am. Still enjoying the "do nothing loveliness" of my birthday. :)

New Pattern/New Project

Today I received in the mail a pattern I bought from PatternMania on Etsy.com.

Here's the picture:

Description:

Design 413 transfers to make an embroidered 63" x 91" Old Fashioned Car Quilt. Each block measures 12" square.

Included:
1908 Chevrolet
1904 Oldsmobile
1904 Studebaker
1912 Packard
1896 Ford
1893 Duryea
1911 Model T
1908 Ford
1904 Ford
1903 Cadillac
1908 Buick
1909 Studebaker

Condition: Very Good, unused.


I'm going to make a quilt for Patrick. I'm super excited to join his ranks as a vintage products lover and consumer. As I complete blocks I'll post pictures. :)

Mr. and Mrs. Largin......Shotgun Style :)

Here is my lovely fairy tale...



Once upon a time there lived a lovely couple, Patrick and Alison. They had been engaged for just over 5 months and wedding plans were a topic of frequent discussion. Several ideas were considered, but alas, to their frustration, none were panning out.

A couple days before their planned trip to Phoenix for Christmas, the two lovebirds decided to wed during the trip. First they thought of Mesquite, NV. Alison called the casinos there to see what wedding options there were... The wedding planner at one chain of casinos would be out of town until after the first of the year. The wedding planner at another was helpful, but they didn't have the low-scale options that the couple were looking for. She gave Alison a phone number to call a guy who could marry them at his home. This wasn't an ideal option either. Next, Patrick called places in Laughlin, NV and found similar disappointing results.

That evening after work, Alison was at a coworker's birthday celebration. Several people had heard that the couple was planning to wed the next day, and Alison shared the disappointments in trying to plan a small ceremony. Just then, Carl, another coworker, piped in that he was an ordained minister and would love to perform the ceremony for them! Alison called Patrick and they immediately started planning.

The next evening, Saturday, December 22nd, Patrick and Alison and a small group of close friends went to the Thaifoon restaurant in Salt Lake City and were married by Carl. It was a beautiful and simple ceremony, and a first for the restaurant! :) Here are some pictures of the ceremony:


Alison and Patrick waiting for the elevator at The Gateway.


Patrick, Carl, and Alison at the very beginning of the ceremony.



Just married!!! Our first kiss as husband and wife. :)


Just before our celebratory toast. :) What a cute couple!


Our wedding cake. Shay and Tia got them for us...with such short notice they had to split "Congratulations Alison + Patrick" onto two cakes. :)


We couldn't be happier to finally be married! We're excited about going into 2008 united in marriage and living a life full of blessings and love. Thanks to everyone, especially Carl, who helped us pull this together. We are blessed with so many wonderful people in our lives.

The End

***UPDATE 1/9/08***
I didn't realize that "Shotgun Wedding" implies that the bride is pregnant. :) No, I am not pregnant. It was a quick elope-style wedding rather than a Shotgun wedding. Hopefully babies are in the near future, though!!!

It's Official!!!

Patrick and I are MARRIED!!! I'll post more pictures and the story later...just wanted to get this cute picture on here. :)