Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I just wanted to quickly express my thanks for the many blessings I have been given.

I am so blessed to have a great husband who loves me and supports me. I think I appreciate this blessing so much more than I otherwise would, because once upon a time I had a husband who did not support me, and I question whether or not he truly loved me. So, Patrick, thank you so much for being such a loving, patient, and forgiving husband. :) You are truly amazing.

I am very grateful for my wonderful family. I love my parents and my siblings, their spouses, and my beautiful nephews and nieces. All of my in-laws, too! I missed sharing this holiday with my family (especially mom's baking...Rolls to Die For), though I am also very blessed to have great friends who invited Patrick and me to their home for the feast. The rolls weren't my mom's, but they were still tasty. The turkey dressed in bacon and then baked was soooooo good!!

Which leads me to my friends. Great friends are one of life's most precious treasures. And I have a sack full of treasures!

I am grateful that I chose to take part in being an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay back in May of 2006. I cannot explain what a blessing this has been in my life. I have met so many people and found amazing mentors who have influenced my life for the good. The extra income is great, but I have to be honest - the life changes have been priceless. I anxiously anticipate the good things to come in my life through this great opportunity!

I am eternally thankful for my testimony of God's love for me. Boy have I been a screwed up person, and thank goodness Jesus Christ has made it possible for me to move beyond the screwed up version of me. :) I find so much peace knowing that all things are possible when God is involved, including becoming a better person. Just like with family...I cannot thoroughly put into words how blessed I am because of this knowledge. :)

I am grateful for the beautiful home we live in, our 3 kitties who make me so happy, and the food on our table. I live a good life. And it is all due to God's hand. Thank you!

Now I am going to go eat some more pie. (I'll post recipes for the Rolls to Die For and Pumpkin Cheesecake Pie soon! They are divine!!)

Your best face

Today my mom, aunt, and my aunt's grandson came up to Salt Lake City to eat lunch at the restaurant where I work. Previously this weekend, my mom mentioned that she would like to see the new place. I planned on cleaning up yesterday, but ended up not doing much in the way of tidying the house. This morning she called, and I invited everyone to come in when they arrived.


Well, did you get a chance to clean the house?

Not really, but we're all family. I've seen you all at your worst, so it's not a big deal.

Do you really want us to come in if it's not clean?

It's not that messy. No one will get cooties coming in here. What's the big deal?

Well...okay...


Now I would LOVE to say that I couldn't care less what my house looks like, and I treat all people the same. However, that is simply not true. Typically I would spend some time sprucing up the place, even if just straightening cushions, vacuuming the floor, and lighting a candle. When it comes to family, though, I just don't feel like I have to put on a show. At least I shouldn't feel pressured to put on a show. I am who I am. And in light of recent life circumstances, I've cut way back on my obsessive compulsive cleaning habits. While this may be uncomfortable for some people who have their expectations about how I should behave (especially the husband), I'm not a freaking nanny.

When it comes to my house, what you see is what you get. This is my face.

This reminded me of a recent conversation I had, as well as my experience with a handful of people I know. When someone is taking your picture, do you prefer to have a certain side of your body or face photographed? A certain angle? A certain pose?

Why are we so preoccupied with putting on our best face for everyone?...protecting that which makes us feel vulnerable, below-average, and inadequate?

Do we all have a million different personalities and faces? That change with every circumstance or situation in which we find ourselves?

Is it possible to have one face and to feel completely secure about who you are?


I would like to get there.

Marriage & Divorce

Just when I needed to hear it:



Something unique about me - when I need to hear or read something, it appears. This need isn't a temporal need; it is not a religious need; it is a spiritual need. And it comes in various forms: a smile, an old book, a phone call, a picture, an email, a video, etc.

Anyway, this video is just what I needed to hear right now.

I think I know what I am going to do with this relationship, but doubt still fills my mind. I want to make the right decisions. I suppose I should go consult the man upstairs. :)


A side note: My friend, Brinn, lent me her copy of Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. Talk about a mind-blowing book. I am a woman who loves too much, and I'm excited to finish this book and learn how to stop this negative and unhealthy pattern in my life. I HIGHLY recommend this book to every single woman out there. You will learn something that you can apply to yourself or that will help you be a supportive friend for your friends who are stuck in codependent relationships. What a great book.



I turn 30 tomorrow, and I am very excited about the possibilities of the future. I'm grateful that I am able to continue learning and growing and becoming the woman God intends me to be!

My kind of day!

I had a fun dirty day today.


After work, I stopped at Western Gardens and bought a bunch of herbs and some flowers. I cleaned up a rusted planter we got at an estate sale last year, painted it with a rust-killing primer, then spray painted it gold. I spent several hours moving the herbs into the little pots that sit all around the planter. (I'll take pictures in the day light.) Then I went to Ace Hardware and got a couple more pots and a habanero pepper plant for Patrick. That'll be fun when that one grows up and starts producing peppers equivalent to hell-fire-and-damnation. :)

So, we now have:

strawberries
cilantro
yellow pear tomatoes
yellow summer squash
rosemary
thyme
thai basil
cinnamon basil
spearmint
peppermint
geraniums
chives
habanero
and another flower plant that I can't remember its name...

I still want to get more plants, but I've decided this is a great start for this year. It will definitely keep me busy watering every day! I guess that's the only down side to having all of the plants in pots. The only one in the ground is the summer squash.

Getting my hands dirty and being outside always makes for a good day. :)

Then I made lentil soup with garlic, onions, jalapeno, bacon, and some spices. It was goooood. The only thing missing was my mom's home made rolls.

Tomorrow I'll be making home made bread. It's been a very long time since I last made bread, so hopefully it goes well. I can't wait to pull fresh bread out of the oven, cut a thick slice, and drench it in butter. That's a piece of heaven right there!

A day late

Yesterday was an odd day for me. For several reasons:

1) Patrick's mom stopped by after her flight landed in SLC. She had been visiting her sister in California. I love seeing Jana and talking with her. I don't think I was prepared to tell her Happy Mother's Day or anything, though. I know it's not hard to say the words, but my whole day felt very off, so I couldn't put the heart behind the words. And Patrick may or may not have told her Happy Mother's Day, and if he did, it was probably minimized as much as possible. So, if I put forth a stronger message of love and appreciation than her own son....it's just weird. And it would be fine if he didn't get so bugged when I do communicate my love and appreciation for his mom.

***WHY do husbands think that their wife has to adopt their feelings toward their family??? I experienced this with my ex-husband, too, and it is DAMN annoying!

2) I didn't even call my own mom. How crappy is that? I didn't do it intentionally. I forgot. Like I said, yesterday wasn't the greatest, and I was consumed in my own frustrations and self-pity. Not good, but that's where I was. I will certainly call the little lady this morning and apologize profusely. (I'm a crappy daughter sometimes.)

3) I have been at a crossroad in my life, metaphorically speaking, that is, for quite some time. I am SICK of it! Yesterday was one of those days that just rubbed my nose in the fact that my life is okay, mediocre, average, and ordinary. And that just sucks. My life isn't meant to be those things. It is meant to be remarkable, extraordinary, meaningful, focused, driven, successful, loving, cherished, and blessed. The only thing between where it is now and where it should be, unfortunately, is ME. *sigh*

4) We're moving this month. This is great and all, but moving is stressful for me, and right now, I need to be focusing on other things. Reality bites. I'm going to be the whip cracker to get this done (aka getting Patrick to go through his shit). This role wears me out. And while I'm excited for this new home, I'm a little worried. Patrick's friend, Chris, is moving in with us. He's a great guy, and I like him a lot. Patrick swears that Chris is a clean person, but Patrick thinks that he is a clean person. I don't want another adult man to pick up after. Is that too much to ask? And for some reason, I can't figure out how to get Patrick to get things done without turning into a naggy, angry, bitter, resentful bitch. That is so not me! Can't we all just look around and pitch in every day????? Is that too much to ask???? And I'm hoping that having another person around won't be a strain on our already strained relationship. I guess we'll just see how it goes.

5) The best part of my day was watching last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy while I put laundry away. I love that show. Quite naturally, I cried. It sucks that Izzie is going to die (most likely, anyway), but I suppose Katherine Heigl asked for it. What a great show. It at least made the "love" part of my heart a little warm. Thank goodness tv fills in for the inadequacies of real life, eh? :)

Okay, I realize this post is really negative, pessimistic, and a load of crappy venting. But guess what? It had to be done. It's out, and I feel a little bit better. Like I told my mom when we were in Arizona at the beginning of the month, "All I can do is my best. I can't predict the outcome of anything, so in the meantime, I take care of myself, and do my very best." So, it's time I start doing it.

Painted Canvases for My Bedroom

Now that I have a camera again, I can finally post some pictures of what I've made! One of the girls I work with has "Craft Day" with her roommates every so often. Her name is Makayla. She invited me a couple months ago to participate. I made the lotus pillow for another friend's birthday on that day. Before we got to crafting, we hit up Michael's and Big Lots for supplies. Big Lots had small, medium, and large canvases for a great price, so I grabbed 3 large canvases to do something with. I think they were $10 or $15 each. The smalls are $5, so the large was probably $15. I want to go get some small ones to paint for friends. I still haven't done Christmas gifts, so I better get on it. (YES, I am a huge procrastinator!!!)

I finally decided what I wanted to do with the canvases, so I bought some paints and went to town. Now, I am not really an artist. I can be creative once in awhile, but it's not something that comes naturally to me...and I don't know the ins-and-outs or shortcuts for what paints to use on canvases. So, I used a foam brush to paint the dark brown paint on these canvases. It took forever. Next time I'll buy some spray paint to save loads of time.

I can't remember where I got the inspiration for the designs, but this sort of design has been my favorite for awhile. (***I found the link that inspired me: It's the MUJKA ILLUSTRATION BLOG.) Anything with swirly stems, leaves, etc. floats my boat. So, here's the set, hanging above my bed, and a close-up of each:

Embroidery pattern for a curtain

I know this is a tiny picture...I haven't yet figured out how to scan stuff and have it be normal sized. However, this is an embroidery pattern I am going to do on a curtain for our front door! I'll post pictures as this creation comes to life. The embroidery is going to be close to the bottom of the curtain, and I'm going to use ribbon the same color as the "Love Ribbon" I made for the living room. I'm pretty excited to have something other than a nasty piece of old fabric tacked to the door.

Childhood Memory

This is kind of a gross/dirty memory, but I'm going to share it anyway...

When I was growing up, the easiest way to solicit praises of being "the favorite child" from my mother was to rub her feet. Sometimes she would even pay us a dollar to rub her feet for half an hour or so. (Little did I know she was scamming us for child labor...haha!)

Attached to that memory of my mom's feet is the memory of all of us always being barefoot. I grew up in Phoenix, our grass was green, and we just didn't really wear shoes unless we had to. I am also deeply in love with sandals as the second best option to being barefooted.

As anyone could imagine, we got our floors pretty dirty. There were 5 kids in our family, Mom, Dad, and occasionally cats in the house, as well as visitors. So, the floors would get dirty. My mom was really big on sweeping and mopping, though, so they wouldn't stay dirty for long. However, on the days the floors didn't get cleaned, the bottoms of my mom's feet would get so black from being up and moving around all day long.

To me, as a child and as an adult, my mom's black-bottomed feet were a symbol of her devotion to being a mother and a homemaker. They reminded me of how much she loved us and how hard she worked to keep our home running smoothly.

Today I sat down at the computer and realized how dirty my feet were. I'd love to say it's because I'm a great homemaker and have been up and moving all day long, but I probably just need to sweep and mop the floors. :) I did do 2 loads of dishes and made an early dinner, though!

Interesting side note: there's a forum dedicated to discussing dirty feet!

My conclusions:

~Dirty feet are happy feet.
~I need to get my feet dirty more often. :)

Damn cats

On Friday I got up the courage to pull out my sewing machine so I could turn the Bear and Bunny into stuffed dolls. It went pretty well, though I don't care for the shape of them. I stuffed them and started to stitch up the rest of the Bunny and a knot formed in the thread. After a few minutes of frustration I decided to set it aside for awhile.

A friend of mine came over for an hour, then I had to get ready and go to work...the Bear and Bunny were tucked away next to my sewing machine...

Saturday morning I noticed that the Bear and Bunny were missing!!!! On the floor was the poor Bunny...thread even more tangled, needle still hanging on. But where was the Bear? After looking for a couple minutes, I found him laying face down in the kitties little play tent thing. Those little shits! I grabbed the Bear and to my utter dismay, there are some pretty good claw holes in the fabric and a bit of embroidery floss pulled to the outside of the fabric. It's a good thing I like animals and it breaks my heart when people hurt them, because I seriously wanted to find Lunch (I'd bet a million dollars it was her) and yank out her whiskers or something. Grrr!!!

Several hours later after cooling down, I realized that:
1. I didn't like the shape of the dolls and would change how I did that
2. It was quick and easy to embroider both of them
3. I could pull out the stuffing and replace it with plastic grocery bags which would make a great crinkle sound and give the cats the dolls as new toys.
4. I'll make new dolls
5. The cats are smart little shits, and next time I won't leave the dolls sitting out.



I wish my camera was working so I could post some pictures. Oh well, this picture of NAUGHTY little Lunch will suffice for now.


She kept scooping water out of their water tank/bowl to make bubbles in the tank as it refilled the bowl. There was water every where in the kitchen. So to try to teach her a (unlearned) lesson, I mopped it up with her. (emphasis on unlearned)

On Magnets...

Ok, I really need to quit blogging and taking pictures of random stuff and start making something!!! ...in a minute...

I walked into the kitchen to grab a snack and smiled as I looked at my refrigerator. I love magnets, and last summer I found some super cute vintage magnets at an odd little store. Patrick and I found a lot of odd and unique vintage kitchen stuff at this store. I love the shiny gold and white on them! Here they are:



Last month Patrick found some more vintage magnets that he thought I'd enjoy. Good old Pac-Man. :)


Anyway, back to the kitchen... I was smiling because of my sister. A little over a month ago she was in town for a family funeral, and one night she was telling me of a brilliant idea she came up with. Anytime she visits someone's home (out-of-town visits), she's going to steal a magnet from their fridge and hold it ransom on her fridge. If they want it back, they have to come visit. I think it's a clever idea...she really wants visitors.

A couple days after she left, I was getting something out of the fridge and I realized one of my magnets was missing! My brother volunteered for some fund raiser several years ago where they sold rainbow colored magnets of the ASL hand-sign for "I Love You." I bought one from him and kept it on my fridge. My ex absolutely hated the magnet...which secretly made me happy. :) Anyway, my little gay-deaf ILY magnet was missing!!! I had to laugh, and I called her to make sure it was safe on her fridge in Denver. It is...so I know what needs to be done to get it back.

My and my sis:


My CRAZY Sis:

I was crafty today!!!

I've been wanting to put up a "Love Ribbon" for awhile now. I found a great vibrant orange ribbon that matched the decor we're shooting for in our living room, bought some medium sized clothes pins, painted them a vibrant blue, and made some fabric pinwheels from fabric my sister-in-law gave me for Christmas (Thank you Ashlee!!!), and topped it off with some cute yellow and red buttons. I put it up over the entrance into the dining room, and I am so extremely pleased! Here are some photos:


I really think it adds good energy to our home to have love notes up on the wall. I love it. And, it feels good to have a crafty day!!!

P.S. Thanks Jana, for helping me paint the clothes pins!!!!! I love you!!!