Seriously

Why do relationships have to be so difficult? I know "The Secret" would say that I am bringing this on myself by focusing my energy on the difficult side of relationships. I partly agree. And the other side of me thinks that even if I focused on how "perfectly" everything is going, I'd still be dealing with the same old aggravating shit. I really have no idea if I will be married this year. At this point, I almost don't care. I'm back at the stage of "waiting a little longer to make sure it's absolutely what we want to do." I know I'm a pain in the ass, and so is every man out there... it's all about patience, love, and compromise. Ugh...rock and hard spot. With a soft squishy warm cuddly heart in there too...I wouldn't be here if that wasn't part of the equation. Duh.

P.S.

The reason we're waiting for snow is that it'll be much prettier than the dead fall setting. :)

Let it Snow!!!

AAAAgggghhhhhh!!!! It's snowing!!!!!! :) Patrick and I were waiting for the snow to get married! :) I'm so excited. We're going to go shopping for a vintage dress and we're getting our marriage license tomorrow. :) (All smileys here...) :) I am so freaking excited to be married to Patrick!!!!!!

Marzipan

I love marzipan, especially in dark chocolate.


mmmmmmmm

I love Cummings chocolate!!!

Almost December...

I can't help but wonder where the time has gone?!?! There are 35 days or so until Christmas. Supposedly I am to get married sometime in the next 35 days. Meanwhile, I'm working full time, preparing for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and trying to figure out what needs to heal internally for me to be able to ditch the fear of being married again. I know no relationship is perfect (a concept some people would argue), and I'm willing to deal with that. I just don't want to be a mother instead of a spouse, a housekeeper instead of a partner, or an ever-emptying vessel not receiving the resources it needs. And the heaviest question of all is...will these concerns be resolved before I get married? Or am I willing to commit and see how they iron out after the nuptials?? Relationships change after the "I do's" are spoken. At that point it is sooo easy to take anything for granted. It's a done deal, after all. I've been there and done that, and going through a divorce is a miserable process. It set me back in so many areas of my life. I wasn't prepared for it, strong enough to make it through it, and I barely believe that I am better for it. So where do I go from here?

I love him. Would I really be willing to do anything for him? Is he really willing to do anything for me? Could we put ourselves aside and be unified in each other? The answer is meaningless in words. Only action...consistent heartfelt action...could convince me.

My sick sense of humor

I love this picture. I've seen it online before and it cracks me up every time.

ISFP

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISFP)

Your personality type is caring, peaceful, artistic, and calm. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 8% of all women and 6% of all men You are Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

The Bumblebee

I found this on Mary Kay's New Zealand website. It reminded me of why I started Mary Kay and why I will always be a part of Mary Kay... Although the principles of aerodynamics suggest the bumblebee cannot fly - its wings are too weak and its body too heavy - the bumblebee, not knowing this, flies anyway.

The bumblebee is a reminder that you can do anything you set your mind to. If someone suggests that something can't be done, the bumblebee is your inspiration to do it anyway.

Believe in yourself. Whatever you can conceive, you can achieve.

Conference

I was able to watch the LDS conference both sessions on Saturday and part of Sunday afternoon. I'm really glad I made it a priority to watch it. A few things I observed and heard made an impression on me.

The most tender and heart-warming thing I experienced was watching Elder Wirthlin giving his talk, and towards the middle, his age set in and he started shaking noticeably. Elder Nelson came up behind him and helped steady him as he finished his carefully prepared talk. It brought me to tears to see how age has taken its toll on Elder Wirthlin's body, but not his spirit or love of the gospel. And to see the fellowship from Elder Nelson was a firm testament of what the gospel and the love of Christ is all about.

Of all the talks I heard, that is the one that made the biggest impression.

My Embroidered Kitchen Towel :)

Here's a picture of the towel I recently finished embroidering. I am quite pleased. I got the pattern in a packet of iron-on patterns at Wal-Mart. I'm a lover of plants and herbs, so this collection called out to me! It took me a few weeks to finish, because I'd work on it late at night after work while Patrick and I watched Futurama and Family Guy. :) When I finished, I wanted to embellish it a little bit, so I added the stars and hearts to the top part of the pot. They didn't turn out as well as I would like...I need a lot of work when it comes to free-hand embroidery. Give me a pattern and I'm fine! ;) My little signature turned out ok, though the "o" in my name looks like an "e." All-in-all, this is the first thing I've embroidered in a long, long time, so I'm pretty happy with my work.